[Tinki]

I really need to vent in a safe enviornment gang. So please, forgive me if I'm long winded. Also, there are a few questions at the end. And for those who read all this, THANK YOU because you have the patience of a saint...LOL

Vent section:
I've been diagnosed type 2 for a year and a half now. My husband has seen me dealing with diabetes and fighting the good fight this whole time. And about once every 3 months he'll have me test his sugar when I test mine. Usually he's a consistant 88, but I've never seen him go above 120 after a meal. And here's the vent. About 2 weeks ago he had me test his sugar. It was 166 after dinner and a big serving of pastery for dessert.

I got a little freaked. Reason being is that's what I did 2 years before I became diabetic. My sugar went from hypo to normal, the started creeping up there. (I also used to test a few times a year because both my partents are diabetic and my dad always made sure I had a meter to keep tabs on it because I was hypogloceimic.)

We tested him again this weekend after a breakfast of 4 slices of french toast, extra syrup and sausage. It was 163. I told him that I think MAYBE (because I'm not a doctor) he's going pre-diabetic and he needs to cut back on his carbs. He's not a happy camper with this idea. He still wants to beable to kill a whole box of mac and cheese or 2 cups of rice with sweet and sour sauce in it. This lead to a fight about how I've cut back on carbs with dinner since I've been diabetic and how he's switched to splenda in his coffee. I then told him yes, but maybe that's becoming not good enough. However, no more than 1 cup of pasta or rice per meal and no dessert after a high carb dinner is unacceptable to him. I then explained to him that if he becomes diabetic that his diet would be WAY more restricted than what I was suggesting.

Ok, suggesting isn't the right word, I was pretty much demanding. I fully admit that in this situation I played the "mommy" wife big time. Normally I'm not like that. I have no desire to change him or restrict who he is. I married him because I love who he is, not what I can change him into. But he's flat out told me before if he ever becomes diabetic he's not changing his eatting and if he dies from diabetes then oh well. So I've got this mentality that I need to save him from this situation right now. I know my attitude doesn't sound good, but I'm trying to be honest about my actions and feelings. It all boils down to the fact that I'm scared for him and I don't want to be a widow too soon.

Wow, vent over, thanks for listening. Now for a few questions. And please be honest, there are no wrong answers here. I won't get my nose all out of joint for being told I'm wrong...LOL

1. I don't speak "man talk"...lol So what is the best way to approach talking with him about this in a productive way? I understand that if I continue to speak "freaked out wife" it won't get either of us any where.

2. What are normal blood sugar lvls for someone not diabetic or pre diabetic who's eatten to many carbs?

3. How many times can he let his sugar get into the 160's before his body says "I'm diabetic or I'm pre diabetic"?

4. Is it possible that this is pre diabetes or am I wrong?

[PERKDOUG]

Jenny,s site at :

What is a Normal Blood Sugar?

has a good study for what constitutes normal BS.

[xMenace]

How old is he? How overweight is he? Any history of heart disease?

A likely scenario is he has a heart attack, survives, it wakes up the sleeping smart brain cells, and he gets on the bandwagon.

He won't listen to reason. Lead by example. Live well and be happy. Are you exercising everyday? It will eventually sink in.

What you should insist on is an annual doctor's visit. If he's over 50, make sure doc gives him the "finger wave!" YouTube - Colorectal surgeon Song

[Jan B]

I agree with what John said.

The other side you could be dealing with is hard too: someone who says they will do everything right, then they do nothing to change (or only change briefly, then revert back). Your husband is being "honest". I would hope that if he really gets diabetes, the high blood sugar feeling might change his mind. But then a lot of people learn to live with high bg and don't realize how much better they could be feeling. As much as some people love lots of the wrong kinds of food, I think most people would sacrifice some of their bad eating habits for the hope of feeling much better.

Take care of YOU and lead by example. And sneak in some better food choices for your husband if possible!

[Debbie Sue]

Originally Posted by Jan B

Take care of YOU and lead by example. And sneak in some better food choices for your husband if possible!

This is what I've been doing with my hubby too. He's not real thrilled with changing what we eat, but I cook the meals and incorporate many of the same things I eat into his plate too. There's some things, like broccoli, he won't touch, but I understand that. He and his mom are very similar in body weight and size. She doesn't have diabetes and is over 300 lbs. so hubby thinks he won't either. *sigh* We both are changing what we eat. Him slower than me though. I'm not going to give up on him.

[Scrabblechick]

Lead by example, certainly. Now what? I understand the anger this kind of thing can create. "Whaddaya mean I can't eat half a pound of rice at one time?" The thought of changing your eating habits can be a daunting one. I know it was for me.

For now, I'd let the subject ride. He knows your feelings on it. And, tough as it is, he's an adult and can make his own decisions. Someone told me once that it takes a man about 72 hours to fully process emotional information. I took that to heart and have found it to be very true. What it means is that if DH and I have a discussion, even if he's not very receptive right then, I try to leave it alone and let him chew over it. In almost every case, a day or two later, he will raise the subject again, and we can have a really fruitful discussion on it.

One of the best ways to talk to a man (IMHO) about this kind of thing, is to say something like, "You know, the reason I hammered on about this is because I want you to be around and healthy when we're 75. If you take control now, that's a great investment in the next 35 years. I'm not interested in being a young widow. And besides, if you get diabetic complications, do you want us to have to file bankruptcy to pay the astronomical medical bills for open-heart surgery, dialysis and medication?" That takes it right out of the emotional realm and puts it into real-life terms, which men do deal with better. Saying, "I love you and I want you to live a long time" makes perfect sense to a woman, but can really make a man feel all itchy. Saying, "Look, you being mule-headed is going to cost us more money than our grandchildren will spend" will sometimes get through to a man more quickly. This is based strictly on personal observation.

When he brings it up again, have the stats on complications and the money they cost ready and say, "I'm not going to nag you. Read this, think about it and get back with me on your thoughts."

Hope you get a good resolution to this issue!

[Holly]

Mine had a stroke and I'm still trying to get him to eat in a more diabetic friendly way. It's slow going and I can't control what he eats for lunch now he's working again but I have control over breakfast and dinner and that's better than it was before. I may be stepping on a few conscientious male toes here but my male seems to be very instant gratification oriented rather than thinking of the long term effects. Women are wired differently - a generalization anyway.

[Eddy]

Originally Posted by Jan B

I would hope that if he really gets diabetes, the high blood sugar feeling might change his mind. But then a lot of people learn to live with high bg and don't realize how much better they could be feeling. As much as some people love lots of the wrong kinds of food, I think most people would sacrifice some of their bad eating habits for the hope of feeling much better.

Pre-DX, I couldn't imagine giving up Mountain Dew. Downing a two-liter in an hour and a half? No problem!

Post-DX, I can't imagine drinking the stuff again. I've had a single 12-oz. can... which didn't go so well, and really didn't taste that good. (I've had probably five or ten cans of Coke and Dr Pepper, but even those have lost appeal.)

Yeah, sometimes we guys need a butt-kicking.

Now, { 7Up | Sprite | Sierra Mist } are another story... I've had significant quantities of them since DX. They're the best hypo fighters that I've found. Yesterday, I tried to correct a 48 with pineapple-orange juice. After 15 minutes of feeling yucky, I got impatient and hit the soda. True, I stopped my first sub-20 excursion without soda. Not fun. In general, I use soda for anything below 55.

My point: Post-DX, I really don't miss the soda. I feel so much better when my BG is in control, that the cost/benefit balance strongly tips toward avoiding the junk food.

[slipperyelm]

Now, will your spouse ever again let you test his blood glucose? Mine has never once consented in 15 years! He protests that it will hurt. But he says he's had an A1C at the doctor's. I'm skeptical that he even had it. I use the same doctor and he never tested my A1c until I came in and told him that I needed to be tested for diabetes and laid out the reasons.

Yep, persuade him to get a check-up. He may react differently to any news coming from the doctor's lab and hearing it in the doctor's office.

But the truth is, some people totally ignore their type 2 diabetes. It is probably even easier to ignore "pre-diabetes". "Pre-diabetes, probably can sound like some kind of clearance: "Nope, you're NOT diabetic. But if things proceed in that direction, MAYBE you will be in the future." Maybe also means maybe not. So, yeah, maybe the person switches from sugar to artificial sweetener in their morning coffee, and they will defensively mention that anytime they are asked about taking care of themselves to prevent diabetes.

My husband has a health issue that he is ready to work on about once every six years. He makes a herculean effort, one that cannot be sustained. It is like an off-on switch. Either he gives it his all, or he gives it nothing. But he makes the changes too big, too suddenly. It is as if he sees his health problem as being like doing a one-time only task instead of a daily chore. Like painting the house, which takes a huge effort, but only needs attention once and then it is over with....until years down the line when you suddenly notice it is way out of hand and needs to be scraped before it can be painted. In reality, his health problem (and my diabetes!) is more like the task of washing the dishes. It needs to be done everyday, three or four times a a day, forever....I notice men in my culture tend to like to do the big, once-in-a-while tasks around the house. Perhaps many men treat health issues in a similar way.

[volleyball]

Spouse nagging seems to only work in a small percentage of cases.
Sometimes another guy is the best help. I tell guys, that a side effect of too many junk carbs is that their wife pleaser may go on the fritz. And no one wants that.
I also say that I want to last long enough so that she doesn't have many years to spend all my insurance money.
If you know him well enough, you probably knows what motivates him. Maybe the challenge to stay at a lower number than you. If he fails, he has to do something unpleasant, maybe clean out the garage or basement. Park the boat for several months.
I agree that the foods he cannot live without now will seem foolish if he does develop full diabetes.
You can also do your part. Not having the food in the house means he have to go sneak it or do the grocery shopping with you. Let him sneak some, your goal is to reduce, not eliminate. Maybe you can tell him you are having trouble sticking to your new menu. You are going to fall of the wagon unless you get his help. He's got to eat around you only food that you can eat to avoid temptation. You know he has enough willpower for the both of you. This can backfire on you if you do falter.
Try something, see if it works, just like you test foods, and when you find the right avenue, you'll know.
Good luck

[Tinki]

"How old is he? How overweight is he? Any history of heart disease?"

I'm sorry I didn't post this xMenace. He's 36, 6 ft 6 in and 350lbs. No history of heart disease.

OMG...thanks for the wonderful responces and letting me vent.

Slipperyelm-- Yeah, he's asked to test his sugar before and says it doesn't hurt. But he's reluctant to now cause he doesn't want to see his numbers...LOL

Ok, from looking at all these wonderful opinons I've made up my mind. I'm going to greatly reduce the amount of bad carbs I cook at dinner. Therefore reducing all around portion sizes. However, I won't even ask what he's having for lunch. That's a win win for us. I will also have faith that if he does go diabetic that he'll chose to eat right because it'll make him feel better. I say hope because I was one that learned to live with sugar in the 300 and 400's before I was diagnosed. I'd felt so bad for so long I forgot what feeling good felt like. I also like the idea of asking him to get a check up to get an
A1C, cholesteral and all the other good stuff 36yr old men need. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU again!!!

Ok, now brag time for me. This months A1C for me was 5.9 and that was with reducing my meds some!!! I've also started exercising this month two to three times a week and my sugar is getting lower. I had heard it lowers sugar, but I had to try it to believe it...LOL

[volleyball]

Sounds like you have an excellent plan. Let us know how its going down the road.

I forced a better quality of food in my household. Funny thing was that things like real cheese and whole grain wheat mac actually tastes so much better that the cheap stuff is discarded. It may take 2 months to go whole grain but once they are onboard, the tasteless processed stuff is unappealing. I use triscut cracker crumbs as breading on different things and now they think I am a chef. Steel cut oatmeal is a whole better breakfast.

[xMenace]

Originally Posted by Scrabblechick

One of the best ways to talk to a man (IMHO) about this kind of thing, is to say something like, "You know, the reason I hammered on about this is because I want you to be around and healthy when we're 75. If you take control now, that's a great investment in the next 35 years. I'm not interested in being a young widow. And besides, if you get diabetic complications, do you want us to have to file bankruptcy to pay the astronomical medical bills for open-heart surgery, dialysis and medication?" That takes it right out of the emotional realm and puts it into real-life terms, which men do deal with better. Saying, "I love you and I want you to live a long time" makes perfect sense to a woman, but can really make a man feel all itchy. Saying, "Look, you being mule-headed is going to cost us more money than our grandchildren will spend" will sometimes get through to a man more quickly. This is based strictly on personal observation.

You forgot the part about giving him a cold beer. Seriously! What better way to tell man you love him? Well, not on this forum ...

[Kim_in_TN]

I hope you are able to get your hubby to start taking his health in a more serious manner! I agree that by buying and cooking healthier, low-carb foods, then he will at least eat well at home!

Congrats on your lowered A1c and sugars! Keep up the good work in spite of whether hubby joins you!

[Hammer]

It all depends on the type of relationship you have with him. Most men, myself included, are self sufficient (or so we think we are). We like to do things for ourselves and don't like to be told to do something. If our wife TELLS us we need to do something for ourself, we get very defensive and resist. If our wife tells us something needs to be done around the house, that's okay since we figure that if she didn't tell us about it, we wouldn't know. Our own body is a different matter.

What one person suggested about the financial end of it can sometimes work, but again, most men aren't concerned about our health as long as we feel okay. Look at how often we see a doctor.....we have to be almost dead before we'll go to a doctor because going to a doctor is a sign of weakness to a man. I don't know why that is...maybe because we figure we can deal with it in our own way, and asking for help means we are not strong enough to handle it on our own. That's just being a man...you can't change that.

I resisted doing anything about my diabetes for 6 years. If it wasn't for Lantus and Byetta, I'd still be doing nothing....but that's just me. Is it stupid to not do anything....to most it would seem that way, but you have to know the person's mindset to be able to understand their motives. Telling a man that he can't eat the foods he loves because he got a high reading on some meter isn't going to change him overnight....maybe never.

Men look at it like this...women will go to see a doctor for every little ache and pain, even when there is usually nothing wrong with them. If a man goes to the doctor, it has to be for something serious otherwise he'll come across as a woman. I know that a lot of doctors don't take female patients as serious as they do male patients, just for this reason.

So, maybe he'll think about it and decide that you're right, but how often has your husband admitted that you were right and he was wrong about anything? This time it's a big topic so don't be surprised if he will never admit that you were right. If you can come up with a way to make him think it's his idea to change his diet and exercise, he'll most likely do it, otherwise, it might be a lost cause.