[Aslosman]

I’m probably not the first person to feel this way but my life is starting to really suck. Trying through diet/Weight Watchers and exercise to loose weight, 150 lbs for BMI, 100 lbs and my doctor will be happy.

The food I should eat is not the food I want to eat. I’m way too hungry most of the time. Constantly worrying about calorie and carb intake is driving me crazy and every time I turn around my doctor wants to add a medication.

I did very well to start off, cut my A1c in half in six months and lost 30 pounds in the first year. Than my wife got very ill and financial difficulties made eating right difficult (fat and carbs are cheep). The 30 pounds I lost came back and brought friends. 9 months ago I lost the motivation to get up an go to the gym, it has not come back.

I did start on Byetta four months ago, A1c is back down and daily monitoring test results are in the goal range but higher that I would like.

My life seems like a lot of work for very little result. The weight loss I experienced initially with the Byetta has slowed and started to reverse. Yes I know get back to the gym (or finding an other exercise routine) will help but there is little extra time in my day. To have time for the gym means leaving the house at 4:30 am.

It all hit me pretty hard last night. I was eating a completely tasteless 96/4 hamburger on a Joseph’s whole grain and flax seen tortilla and realized just how unsatisfying the whole experience was. Than it hit me, not only is this happening now but this is the rest of my life too.

Ok, I also realize that I have nothing to complain about. I have a job with very good medical insurance. My rent gets paid every month. I have a disease that can be managed. It could be a lot worse and I know I am being a wimp about it. But it just seems so overwhelming at the moment.

Throw me a line here. How do you do it? What makes it worth it for you to get out of bet in the morning? How do you keep going? When does the suck go away?

Thanks in advance for any insight you can offer.

[Aslosman]

PS I should mention I am in the US so weight is imperial not metric.

[fgummett]

Hey Aslosman, Welcome to DF! Glad you found us. I can so relate... boy can I relate! And I'm sure I am not the only one here. You start off with the best of intentions but then life happens and your self-care goes down to the bottom of your list of priorities... been there... done that It becomes like the proverbial snowball gathering more snow as it rolls inexorably down the hill: the heavier I get, the less energy, the more tired I feel, the harder it is to get to the gym, the hungrier I am for quick-fix foods... the heavier I get...

Step 1) Join DF... stick around, check in here everyday because you are among folk who understand what you are going through.

Step 2) read the book quoted in my signature... arm yourself with knowledge. Ask question and PLEASE don't fall for the usual platitudes like, "it's simple.. just eat less and exercise more" 'cos it really is not that simple.

Step 3) adjust your habits so that when life does get in the way again (and it always does) you either do not fall at all or don't fall so far... habits have become ingrained just like brushing your teeth before bed.

You are right that there are always going to be people worse of than ourselves but until we start taking better care of ourselves we cannot be a help to anyone else. So hang in there

---

One thing you might look into is Obstructive Sleep Apnea... us heavier guys tend to fall into that category and if it occurs, it makes that downhill snowball 10 times worse... you sleep poorly, so you have even less energy, you crave even ore quick-fix foods, you get heavier.... and so it goes on. I recently started CPAP at night and it has opened up a new lease on life for me. Sleep apnea - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia...

[princesslinda]

Welcome Aslosman! Glad you found the forums. Sorry you're going through a hard time right now...trust me, we can ALL relate. There are times I want an order of loaded fries or a Twinkie so badly I could just cry! Its tough when we have to watch every bite we put in our mouth.

Like you, I still have a lot of weight to lose. It does get discouraging.

For me, I've found that what works best is minimizing carbs...the more carbs I eat, the more I crave. Insulin resistance can make you quite hungry...sometimes I notice the "gnawing" hunger feeling just after eating, when I know there's no way I can be hungry. I've found that if I go for a walk after eating, that this helps with the hunger..most exercise will. Are you on metformin? It does help with insulin resistance.

Also, being a larger person, your body wants/needs a good bit of food in order to maintain its weight (even though you want the weight gone). When you feel really hungry, try and find "fillers" that won't impede your weight loss. I like dill pickles...when i'm esp. hungry, i'll munch on a couple and feel satisfied. Also, I drink a good bit of water.

Take things one day at a time. When you want a burger on a regular bun, have your burger, but pull out the inside of both buns (you'll have a smaller/thinner bun, but a bun nonetheless)...when you make it at home, try the Nature's Own Double Fiber buns. Giving myself a monthly treat helps keep me focused the rest of the month. I don't go nuts, I just have something I enjoy.

The main thing is NEVER GIVE UP!!!! Everyone on the forum is living proof that diabetes is doable! Post often, we're all here to help each other.

[BrianSCohen]

Aslosman,

You need to get some joy back in your life. You seem really down. I really enjoy eating as well, it is one of my primary pleasures in life. I know that cutting off a huge range of food from your diet can really put a damper on things. But I have to tell you that there are really lots of things you can eat which are good for you and are enjoyable. Have you thought about learning to cook more. I know you may think it takes time, but actually what I do is cook large batches on the weekends and reheat during the week. You may also want to consider focusing on the carbs, and not worry so much about the fat or calories at the same time. Being hungry all the time can be depressing and counterproductive.

I've also found that you can make exercise efficient as well. I work out primarily three times a week, all you need is an hour. Consider strength training Walking is great, but spending many hours a week can be difficult. I have a workout partner, it makes it a lot easier to keep it up.

Best of luck.

[Aslosman]

Everyone:
Please call me Alex. I'll get the sig file set up sometime when I'm not suposed to be working.

Frank:
What do you mean it's not as simple as eat less excsise more? In truth I wish it was that simple.

Brian:
An excersis partner ia a great idea. I just need to find someone elsewho is living at 4 am

[fgummett]

Originally Posted by Aslosman

What do you mean it's not as simple as eat less excsise more? In truth I wish it was that simple.

Hey Alex, glad we now have a name What I mean is that we tend to beat ourselves up, and get beaten about by others blaming ourselves for just letting ourselves get fat and lazy as if it is all our own fault... and I simply don't believe that:
Look at my signature line, "...type 2 diabetes is associated with obesity... [so] most people assume that the excess weight causes the diabetes. But... it's possible that diabetes causes obesity". I fully endorse this statement both from my extensive reading and also personal experience. I believe that Type 2 D is a progression and in it's early stages we often miss the signs. We tend to be hungry most of the time and for quick-fix sweet things and plenty of them... in my understanding, what is happening is that as our BS becomes "dysregular" we may have plenty of sugar in our blood stream but it cannot readily get into the cells (insulin resistance) so our cells signal the brain that we need food, lots of it and quickly. This hunger craving is as real as our need to breathe or drink water, so to anyone who says, "Oh you just need will-power!" I suggest that they sit at the deep end of a swimming pool and see how long will-power lets them hold their breath! I'm not using this as an excuse nor denying any personal responsibility but it does help to explain how I got the way I am and hopefully begins to show me a way out of it. For example, I now know that with better BS control I am not so hungry all the time and that makes it easier to control how much eat.
While the basic premise that more calories used than eaten = less fat is still true... it is not as simple as most (thinner) folks assume.

[Aslosman]

Sorry Frank, I was speeking ironically. Guess with the mood I'm in I should avoid trying to be funny.

[Evermont]

Alex, I'm another one who can relate. In many ways I'm better off than a lot of other T2's, there are just certain things about my situation that make it a little less hard for me - still, I know what you mean.

I have lots of workout partners like Stevie Ray Vaghan, Jeff Healey, Jimi Hendrix... even some guys that are still alive. They're all crammed into my MP3 player and go with me everywhere. Rediscover your favorite music! I even learn while I exercise with audio books and stuff, so lots of variety.

I have always been the kind of person that does things with other people. I have always had lots of friends/coworkers/family around so never a problem. A few years back though I decided it would be a good thing to accustom myself to a bit of solitude now and then partly so that I don't have to coordinate all my activities with other people. It's paying off now that I spend so much time on D related activities. It was quite unnatural for me at first but I really enjoy solo time now. I still do things with other people too and that's good for balance.

Even people who manage to drag themselves to the gym often can't seem to motivate well enough to work out at home. I can. I like the convenience and don't mind avoiding all the gym related hassle, expense and commute.

A useful goal for us T2's might be to add one new food or cooking technique weekly. I have a few books that list hundreds of the healthiest foods and I invent new things all the time. I explore farm stands, health food stores, new stuff at the grocery store, and scour the internet for new things. After a time you might have to keep lists so you don't forget all your many choices!

This spirit of exploration can pay off with exercise too. I have dozens of options in mind to keep me active and interested. Sometimes I'll do the same thing over and over if I'm enjoying it - like sunset walks with my grandson (he's 1 yr old and rides in a backpack). I got some external speakers for my MP3 player so we can both enjoy tunes. Turns out he really likes Ozzy - go figure. But I've put together a list of exercises for strength training, cardio, balance, flexibility, stress management, coordination, even this crazy category I call 'fun'! I like to combine things too, like chopping wood. I have a chainsaw but I use my axe. I don't really need wood, but I have a nice little fire pit in the back yard and LOTS of wood ready to burn. So chopping wood is productive, an investment in future entertainment, in addition to being a good combo of cardio, strength, and coordination exercise.

There's a mindset at work here. It helps me and I bet it might help you too. Good luck Alex and welcome to DF.

[Scrabblechick]

Alex, I truly understand where you are. I really, really do. I've been fighting the old battle of the bulge literally my whole life. And like Linda, sometimes I could cry wanting something I absolutely do NOT need to eat!

Keep posting as the other folks have said and feel free to rant when you need to. We've all done it. Take care and let us know how you're getting along. We really do care!

[Aslosman]

I try and focus on the positive:
I have a wife who loves me and a teenage son who does not (must be doing something right).

On the other hand I first learned about deep fried twenkies a week after I learned about my diagnossis. Just proving this whold D*^# universe is unfair. When I get to be incharge ther's going to be some radical changes

[fgummett]

Deep fried Twinkies... now that's a new one on me... I know some fish and chip shops in Scotland that sell deep fried Mars Bars

[cyberus]

Originally Posted by fgummett

Deep fried Twinkies... now that's a new one on me... I know some fish and chip shops in Scotland that sell deep fried Mars Bars

You can have almost anything deep fried someplace.

And in the Mall of America in Minnesota most of them are represented, including but not limited to to,
twinkies
cheesecake
oreos
mars bars
3 musketeers bars
cheese curds

[EllieK]

Alex,
Hang in there!

There are many days when I feel like throwing in the towel and just forget the carbs, the sugar, the monitor, the whole thing.

My motivation???? Keeping my feet, keeping my sight. When I get really down I remind myself that my eye already has 5 bleeds and that I want to keep my feet until I die. I DO NOT want to die of diabetes, I would rather die of old age.

Don't try to do everything at once - that is way too overwhelming. Do one thing - just one. Do that until it becomes habit. Then do one more thing.... and so on.

[Aslosman]

Originally Posted by EllieK

I remind myself that my eye already has 5 bleeds

That it seems eye bleeds are inevatable is part of what is getting me down. If I stay in good control (assuming I ever get back there) can that be avoided? Looking around here it does not seem like it can be.

I just today read a study that concluded that foot ulcer treatment reached a satifacctory long term outcome in just 40% of the cases treated. Only three years into this and I aready am fighting a very dry cracked and ulcerating foot. The poditrist says is not related to the diabetes which is ok but the open areas are still there just waiting for an infection.

All this work and it seems slow painfull deterioration is unavoidable. I got to wonder what the point is. That does not mean I can stop working but I'm not happy with the prognosis.