Bob, i've found that sugar-free pie or cake generally makes my blood sugars go as high as a "regular" dessert would. When i'm at a holiday gathering, I'll tend to have fruit/cheese and a glass of wine rather than a dessert, or i'll have a couple bites of "regular" cheesecake then get rid of the plate.
I do well with regular cheesecake (I stay away from the ones with the fruit glazes though).
Try having just a couple bites of something you enjoy, follow it with cheese, nuts or some type protein and see how your blood sugars react.
It's not fun to have to deny yourself at a party, so just limit your portion size.