need advice.

giggs · #1 (**permalink**) 11-06-2006, 10:00 PM

Hi, I need some advice.
My bf has type 1 and I have done everything in my power to understand diabetes, and to help change everything in our diet so that it will help him. I go out of my way and make every effort to make and buy food that will help him keep his sugar down and allow him to be able to eat more of that meal. Im trying to support him in everyway that I can and I these somewhat minor changes are a big step.
Yet Im frustrated. His mother doesn't make these changed for him nor does she bother to learn why it would be important. His dad is prediabetic and his little brother has gout (an old mans condition at age 23) and I would think she would welcome the changes that could be made. Yet she seems to belittle all the effort I make by saying "i just feed him whatever I make and hes fine" "don't worry about making other things for him". yet it seems when hes at her house hes either really high or on the low side. He doesn't see them much since they are 3 hours away, yet this nonchalant way of thinking is frustrating and it really hurts my feelings. Any suggestions on how to handle this?

Dewey · #2 (**permalink**) 11-06-2006, 10:36 PM

This is a very touchy situation....It's like being caught between a rock & a hard place. Either way you go, someone's bound to get upset. If you stand up to them (his family) & make a comment, they'll likely get frustrated with you, saying something to the effect of, "He's my/our son. I/we had him & know what's good for him!" or something along those lines.

However, if you don't try to enlighten them in some way, both you & he end up hurt.

You are very good to be so caring & for doing the best you can to help him as you are. I truthfully cannot think of any good ideas at the moment, other than talking to him in confidence about it or perhaps giving his mom/family a nutritional pamphlet (that you might be able to obtain from his dietitian or endo). Another good idea is perhaps having him bolus a little more/less (dependent upon how much & what types of foods he eats while there). That said, maybe someone else can offer some other ideas? I'll try to think of other good ways to handle it, but as I said, it's a very touchy situation...

Emm · #3 (**permalink**) 11-06-2006, 11:37 PM

How does HE feel about it?

I bet the only way to get the family to pay attention is if your other half was the one making the changes first. Does he ever say "No thanks mum, can't eat that much of that..." or anything like that?

Does he know much about his own diet or are you looking after him (hope that doesn't sound harsh, meant as a simple question)

Emm · #4 (**permalink**) 11-06-2006, 11:48 PM

An idea!

How about some small comment that you just pass very lightly - or even better, your man says it... just tell the family you're thinking of trying out some low-carb healthy eating plan for a short while, just to check it out, nothing flash... and then you can rave about how much better you both feel, how the BG numbers are so good, etc...

Maybe they'd want to help out, maybe even join in themselves???

Tsukia · #5 (**permalink**) 11-06-2006, 11:52 PM

unfortunately it is a not a one way street and you making the changes and attempting to do everything in your power to help him is a good way to go.
In regards to his family there isn't much you can do about it but a friendly reminder and giving suggestions on meal replacements wouldn't hurt either way.
I think it is just that his mom doesn't understand and when she hardly sees him then she may feel like she is on the out side. But just try your best and do what you can to help. If his family doesn't see what is going to happen or want to help then unfortunately that is for them to decide.

good luck

CycloneKitty · #6 (**permalink**) 11-07-2006, 12:57 AM

It could be worse - they could say something like "Should u be eating that?? Now we all hate that. If u are doing well the rest of the time ... I wouldnt worry about the occasional highs he has when he eats out. Moderation is the key. He needs to learn about carbs tho and how to adjust his insulin dose so he can avoid the highs and the lows. Thats providing he is on MDI. Shame the family have that attitude tho, after all the effort you have been putting in. Make sure he takes diet drinks when he visits - I do that when I visit family and friends. Most will stock up on diet coke if they know Im coming - but it cant be relied on. Good luck with it all.

am1977 · #7 (**permalink**) 11-07-2006, 04:28 AM

That does seem frustrating

... But, I take it your bf is an adult, right? Then it's really up to him about what he eats... he doesn't have to eat something that seems like it may cause him problems later on. Instead, he could start making some of his own meals. It would probably be healthier and he'd have better success in controlling his blood sugar b/c it would make him more aware of what he's eating.

I know that may not seem like the easiest option, but I think if he has a problem with what his mother makes, he has to be the one to say something.

Good luck

giggs · #8 (**permalink**) 11-07-2006, 07:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emm

An idea!

How about some small comment that you just pass very lightly - or even better, your man says it... just tell the family you're thinking of trying out some low-carb healthy eating plan for a short while, just to check it out, nothing flash... and then you can rave about how much better you both feel, how the BG numbers are so good, etc...

Maybe they'd want to help out, maybe even join in themselves???

Actually when he was first diagnosed he made a big deal about how carbs are not something he wants to cut out but something he has to eat more of.
I can see her point of view when it comes to not wanting to learn in the sense she has alot of learning problems and having to count or add things up sometimes can be hard. I know alot of this confuses her. For example; she stared looking at the percentage of things and I had to explain to her why not to, yet she still does it and I have to constantly say 'remember were looking at the actual numbers, not percentage'.
Also "Does he know much about his own diet or are you looking after him (hope that doesn't sound harsh, meant as a simple question)"
Well honestly he knows the basics of his diet, yet your right i do look after him more than I proabably should be. And no it didn't sound harsh.
But your right, Ill make food and he'll as me what he can have or I'll just tell him and when we go out he always askes what he can have or we disscus it before hand.

HollyB · #9 (**permalink**) 11-08-2006, 07:59 AM

Hi there,

First, good for you for being so supportive and wanting to do what you can to help your boyfriend stay healthy. As a mom, I hope my son ends up with someone who's behind him like that.

Am I understanding it right that you two live together, and that visits to his mom's are fairly infrequent? If that's the case, then I think you could both concentrate on making sure he has good control at home. The odd "off" day while visiting won't be the end of the world, though if you go there for a longer stay, say over Christmas or something, then you'd probably want to make a plan. The reality seems to be that he's going to have to look out for himself at his mom's, as he would visiting anywhere else, and that might mean that he has to get a bit better informed. It will be much easier for him to say, "Mom, I need to measure my rice" or whatever than for you to be caught between them. You might also pack along some good alternative foods, so when everyone's mowing down on chips or chocolate cake, he has something he can eat instead.

Hope it works out.