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Flotsam and Jetsam

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About this blog

I babble here, so you don't have to endure it on the main boards!

Entries in this blog

Vilya

Continuing the fast...

Fasting today, after a weekend of so-so eating. I have decided I really need to double down on the LC thing and get back to how I was right after dx. I've had too many slip-ups.

 

Today I'm fasting until dinner (from dinner last night), and I'm planning on making a big ol' pile of eggs and bacon. I'm pretty hungry today. Not starving, but you know, I'm feeling it. I've had tea and water and coffee so far, and about to get more water!

 

Being hungry during the day will certainly make the eggs and bacon taste better. :)

 

Also, I spent my lunch hour at Starbucks (for the tea), and now I smell like Starbucks. :P

Vilya

I know I've been away for a little bit, but I'm back, and I've started Dr. Fung's fasting protocol to see if it will help my BG and insulin resistance.

 

I'm doing my first 24-hour fast right now! Started at 6:00 last night, and now on hour 19. It's been pretty easy so far. I haven't been starving, which is nice.

 

Have to run, I'll come back and post more later...

Vilya

I hate this disease.

I can tell my BG has been high, because I just felt like it was low, and I checked and it was 114. Getting false hypos, lovely.

 

Still waiting on the results of my lab work from March 3. If my A1C has dropped at all, it's probably not much. I wish it didn't take so long to get the results back...

 

I haven't eaten a vegetable in probably 6 weeks, and I can feel my body starting to rebel and ask for some! I hate vegetables, no matter how they're prepared. Yes, even roasted. I mean, I CAN eat them, but I'd rather not, and it's like taking medicine. Yuck.

 

Can't wait for my birthday weekend away tomorrow. I'm going to hang out with my dogs, and probably look for a steakhouse nearby for my birthday dinner. I'll be alone, but that's fine.

Vilya

Let's talk about liver dumps.

I am having the worst time with DP and liver dumps. I can't seem to get a handle on it, which is annoying.

 

So far, the best results I've gotten are when I eat very little protein at dinner. I haven't tried having a snack right before bed, though, so I should probably try that. Maybe 4 or 5 almonds?

Vilya

I just can't seem to string the good days together anymore. It's a constant one good, one bad, or one good, TWO bad. :(

 

My sleep has always been terrible. This isn't new for me; it's been a lifelong battle to get any amount of decent sleep. But as I get older, it's getting worse. I don't function very well on 5-6 hours of sleep anyway, but when you're young you can kind of shrug it off and keep going. Not so much anymore!

 

On the weekends, I usually go to bed around 11:00 or 12:00, and sleep until 7:00, and then take a nap in the afternoon. This actually works pretty well for me, but of course I can't do this during the work week, so by the time Friday rolls around I'm exhausted and don't feel like doing anything on the weekends except sleep.

 

The year that I was off and only working part-time in the afternoons was the most rested I'd ever been. I'd go to bed around 1:00 a.m. and sleep until 8:30 or 9:00, then most days also take a short nap. It's the getting up at 5:30 every day that kills me. And going to bed earlier doesn't seem to work as well for me as going to bed later and getting up later. I wonder why that is?

 

Anyway, I'm sure my sleep issues are not helping my BG any. I mean, of course my diet isn't stellar, but the lack of sleep doesn't help, either. I'm just a mess.

Vilya

Very frustrating...

Even though I am still eating much lower-carb than the usual Standard American Diet, I still can't keep my BG down to where I want it. I know intellectually that that's how it is, and that my body does not handle carbs well at all, but it still annoys me!

 

I feel like I'm going to have to keep carbs down forever to 15-20 per day, if I don't want to go on insulin soon. I don't know if that's possible, though. Staying that low is not something I think I can do forever.

 

The obvious solution is to start exercising and lose some weight, which in some ways is a less-attractive option than insulin. That's how much I hate to exercise. How pathetic is that?? I'm the stereotype that everyone quotes when they talk about diabetics: fat and lazy.

Vilya

Why I Relapsed

I remember so clearly the time right after I was dx'd. I was scared out of my mind, like many of us were. The sheer terror of having such a high BG gave me the motivation to cut the carbs out of my life completely. I was eating under 20 carbs per day, effortlessly. I had no cravings, no temptations. And my BG responded quickly and dramatically.

 

Going back through my logs from that time, I had morning BG's in the 80's and 90's every day, and I rarely went over 105 or so after meals. The weight dropped off without even trying hard. It was a magical time.

 

And then I quit my corporate job, which I did to pursue a dream of taking my dog training side business into full time. I knew that I'd always regret not trying it if I didn't do it. Things went OK, but not great, and I ended up getting a part-time job in a daycare. That was the beginning of my relapse. The parents brought me treats constantly, and I ate them. I had been really good about not buying that stuff on my own, but when faced with free goodies every week, I crumbled. Still, I managed to keep my BG mostly in check, though I gained about 10 lbs.

 

And then my friend made me an offer that seemed like all my dreams come true. She is a well-established dog trainer, and she wanted me to come work with her. I went to stay with her for 6 weeks, as a trial period, and after 2 weeks I realized I didn't actually WANT to be a trainer in that particular way, meaning on-call 24/7, no scheduled work hours, basically having the job become your life. I hadn't known it before, but I realized quickly that I'm a person who needs a set work schedule, and predictable time off. It was this realization that sent me spiraling out of control.

 

I came home defeated, feeling like an utter failure. Here I had been handed my dream job on a silver platter, and it turned out it wasn't what I thought. Not to mention that my training skills were not at the level I thought they were (I'm a good trainer, but I had overestimated myself), so that made me feel like more of a failure. I have terrible anxiety and have suffered from depression all my life, so this incident sparked a massive clinical depression.

 

I could barely function. I came home and had no job and almost no money. I struggled to get out of bed. Thank god for my own dogs, who needed me to take care of them, because I'm not sure I would have made it otherwise. I completely stopped caring about food and my health. I just ate junk and more junk, all the things I hadn't eaten in 2 years - pizza, bread, rice, chips, sweets. Everything; I didn't care.

 

A few months into this, I saw an ad from the place where I buy my dog food. They needed someone to manage their office. I would be in a warehouse, mostly alone, or with just the owner. It didn't really pay enough to meet my bills, but it was a literal lifesaver. Being able to work in an environment where I could wear whatever I wanted and not worry about interacting with people - that was perfect. I took the job and slowly started dragging myself out of the depression. I went back to counseling. I stayed in that job for 8 months, until it became impossible to support myself anymore. I needed more money, and once again, a job landed in my lap.

 

I am now back in the industry I left, earning good money and back in a mental place that allows me to work on my diabetes again. It's still a work in progress, but I'm getting there. I'm so incredibly grateful for whatever force in my life continued to present me with jobs exactly when I needed them. I don't take that for granted, or lightly. Somebody or something wants me to go on, and I'm not going to dishonor that. I'm so happy to be back here with you guys, too. I missed this place. :)

Vilya

So glad the blogs are still here!

I totally forgot about the blog feature, and I was happy to see that mine is still here from 4 years ago! It was funny to read those first few entries, when I was so terrified. And a good reminder, because my current attempt to get the BG down is going exactly as it did when I was dx'd. Best numbers during the day, bad numbers at bedtime and fasting. History repeats itself!

 

Today I went to a Greek restaurant that's within walking distance of my office. I had souvlaki chicken, a side salad, and a few green beans. It was absolutely delicious, and my BG barely moved. Yay!! I had to pretend I didn't see the rice or bread on the table. ;)

 

The next step in my attack is exercise. It's more difficult this time around, because my old office building had a 2-mile track around it, and this new office is smack-dab in the middle of an industrial area. There is a park nearby, but I have to get in my car to get there. I don't want to exercise after work, because my dogs are alone all day, and I need to get home. I'll figure something out!

Vilya

Overeating, ugh.

I didn't really do much today, and consequently found myself nibbling most of the day. Still low-carb, but the extra calories aren't great. At least I did eat a big salad in there, so it wasn't a total loss. :T

Vilya

Dark chocolate, yay!

I've discovered that I can eat dark chocolate without it spiking my BS. What I'm eating is Scharffen Berger's 82% dark.

 

The 1-oz. bar has:

 

140 calories

12 g. fat

3 g. protein

11 carbs

4 g. fiber

NET CARBS - 7

 

I find it delicious and not bitter at all, probably because my tastebuds have changed so much. It doesn't take much sugar for something to taste sweet now. I'm just glad I can still have chocolate! :)

Vilya

More improvement

I'm getting a little better each day. :)

 

Three weeks in, and I had my lowest-ever fasting number today: 118.

 

And then before lunch today I was 109. I think the Met is finally kicking in, but I've also taken my carbs down to very low levels - about 25 per day. I don't know if I can sustain that forever.

 

I do need to kick up the exercise a notch; that would probably allow me a few more carbs.

 

Back to the doctor this coming Monday. I bet she will be surprised! :D

Vilya

Weight loss

Lost another 5 lbs. this week, so that brings my 2-week total to 12 lbs. I know this will slow down, but I'm enjoying it while I got it! :)

Vilya

Frustrated.

I ate 4 measly strawberries last night and this morning, and my blood sugar did not like it. Come on! This is what's so frustrating about this disease. I'm going to try eating them in the middle of the day, as I definitely seem to do best at that time. And maybe 3, instead of 4. ;)

 

Tonight I'm making chicken cacciatore, with tomatoes and chicken broth. Usually I would eat this over rice, but I guess I'm eating it by itself! I can make some spinach, I suppose. Yuck.

 

I've been living this new life for a week and a half, but it feels like months already. This is a radical change. I keep telling myself to think about all the new clothes I'll be able to buy, and the physical stuff I'll be able to do. Going to the grocery store sucks.

 

And because I never want to leave a blog post on a negative: had my lowest number yet today, a 147 before lunch. Every day seems to get just a little better. :)

Vilya

Random stuff...

I can't wait to get the USB cable for my meter (One Touch Ultra2), so I can download the software and start making pie charts. :D I love seeing data in graphs and charts. Nerd alert!

 

My numbers have been kind of all over the place, and I'm interested to see what it looks like in graph form. The numbers are still too high, but they have been gradually coming down, thanks to exercise and lower carbs. I'm not thanking the Met just yet, as it's only been a week on that. I am very impatient and want my numbers to be normal, like, yesterday, but I'm going to have to wait!

 

Been sick this whole week with a yucky cold, and I haven't exercised in 2 days. I feel antsy, like I can actually FEEL the BS rising without the exercise. :T

 

Did I mention my awesome score on test strips from eBay? Got a pack of 100 for $40, and they don't even expire for 2 more months! ;) That beats the sh*t out of the $53 I paid for a pack of 50 at Walgreen's! Thank you, fellow diabetics, for educating me about Amazon and eBay.

Vilya

Progress!

My pre-dinner BG was 166, my lowest number yet in the past week. Meds/exercise/diet are working! :)

Vilya

Sick...

Awful cold that started on Monday. I feel like poo. As my sugars are still not under control yet without being sick, I don't like having this cold on top of my recent dx. Oh well, I'm sure it will all turn out OK.

 

I went for a short walk last night, even with the sickness, because I'm so terrified of not getting my exercise in. With my BG still in the high 100's/low 200's, I'm trying like heck to bring it down as quickly as possible.

 

This disease sucks. :(

Vilya

So, this happened...

I have "officially" had Type 2 diabetes for a week now. Since then, I've lost 7 lbs. and completely changed my eating habits. My numbers are still in the low 200's, though I did have one day last week where it was in the high 100's. Considering that I've had after-meal spikes in the 300's, I will take the high 1's for now. I just increased my dose of Met to 1000 mg., so that should help too.

 

I've been going through the 7 stages of grief. Some days I'm OK, other days I live in abject terror of something bad happening. I'm so scared I'm going to die. My vision has been pretty blurry the past few days, which scares me. I do have an appt. with the eye doctor. Making that appt. helped me feel in control.

 

I'm a control freak by nature, with OCD tendencies. Those things actually help with diabetes management, I think. But the flip side is that I spend a lot of time worrying, which does NOT help. I'm trying to take things one day at a time.

 

One intersting thing - I thought for sure I would just DIE if I couldn't eat bread and pasta and potatoes. But the thing is, I haven't craved those things at all. I'm starting to think I just ate them out of habit, and because I was stuck in that awful cycle of carb-loading, then crashing, then needing to carb-load again.

 

Positive things: I've lost 28 lbs. since May. One thing this disease is going to force me to do is lose weight, which is GOOD. I needed to anyway. As a dear friend of mine always says, "Onward!"

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