I have to admit, I haven't tried to blog before, but thought I'd give it a shot (pun intended).
Having had type 1 diabetes for about 9 years, I thought it was about time to write some about my experiences with it.
I am by no means an expert, I just know my own body and my own case of diabetes, and as for experiences I can only talk for myself.
I have to say though, I find it funny how a lot of non diabetics I've come across through the years get all shaken up by the fact we have to stab ourselves with needles. We have to check our blood glucose a lot and all type 1 diabetics and many type 2 have to take insulin on top of that. I've had my fair share of "oh, poor you, I couldn't do that!" from people. But in all honesty, the needles are what bothers me the least when it comes to managing my diabetes.
Even back in the days where I could actually feel my abdomen and legs, the needles did not bother me at all, except for the occasional ouchy insertion of a CGM sensor, but as for injections... Those needles are so incredibly tiny they really just slide right in, unless of course you happen to find a painful spot, which may happen.
Now I don't feel needles at all, at least in the common injection areas. I'm a T10 complete paraplegic since a while ago, it's no big deal but does complicate things a bit, like when I'm having a high blood glucose... Those of you knowing anything about spinal cord injuries will know why.
It has its perks too though, so I'm not complaining.
But it's just funny how people get stuck with the needles, when there are other aspects of diabetes that is way worse than acting like a reverse hedgehog. My biggest fear when it comes to diabetes is to have anything happen to my eyes because of my diabetes, and the annual checkups on the eyes is something I think is way worse than sticking myself with needles all day. I really do hate the dilation eye drops with a passion! But I still go have it done, because my vision is more important than those few hours of discomfort and the migraine that often comes afterwards.
Another thing about diabetes that I really kinda hate is having to calculate everything all the time! Life is a never ending maths lecture! I really don't mind taking insulin by pump or injection, but that process of calculating how much insulin is needed for each given time, gosh I hate it! I wish there was an app that would tell you how many carbs there is in a meal just by using the camera of your smartphone! Just like there's now apps for measuring your heart rate by the camera. People tend to take pictures of their food all the time anyways, so why not have an app that uses the camera for letting you know the carb count of the meal?!
In general, I live a really good life! I have a loving family, I'm married to the love of my life, we live in an awesome house together with my parents and that's by choice and mutual agreement from all of us because both the house and situation suits me very well.
To be honest, I wouldn't want to change a thing about my life. While yes, I live with a few chronic conditions, artificial heart valves and I've lost the use of my legs, but all those things have just made me a stronger person! You will probably never hear me complain about my situation... I'm a very positive person by nature! And I'd be even more positive if you could see the carb count on your phone screen by using the camera
I'm a generally very positive person, I don't know why but I just am. And despite the things life might throw at me at times, I just deal with it and live life to the fullest. I haven't been on here for a long time now, been too busy with life offline, but I haven't forgotten the forum or the people I've met in the chat
This year I'm celebrating 10 years of being a type 1 diabetic. And yes, I say celebrate! I don't hate my diabetes, I'm not even angry at it even though I may not be the happiest when my levels misbehave despite my best efforts to keep them in range, I get especially moody when I wake up due to a hypo or hyper, or wake up with a hypo or hyper in the morning. But oh well, those things are just minor bumps!
My 10 years of diabetes has been mixed, but for the most part I get along with my conditions pretty well. Like I said, I don't hate it, and I am a very positive person.
I try to make everything into something positive, and even diabetes has had a positive impact in my life. It has taught me so much about life and how the body functions, it has given me many friends and us diabetics possess insights and knowledge that non-diabetics can only dream of!
I really don't have a problem with all the needles involved in diabetes management. If I have to say one thing I don't like about diabetes, it's got to be the constant planning and calculations, but I can live with that too, even if it would have been so much easier if food said on top of it how many carbs it is and how much insulin to take
I'm in the process of getting a new insulin pump now as my much loved Veo is nearing its retirement. I'm having a hard time deciding whether I should stick with Medtronic, or switch to Animas. They're both really good pumps and they both come with CGM option if not wanting to carry a separate CGM unit. All I know for sure pump wise is that I don't want the OmniPod! I'd go nuts with a pod stuck to me all the time, I much prefer the low profile of a regular infusion set with tubing, even with the tubing getting stuck on things sometimes.
I have to admit, I'm leaning towards Animas Vibe as I'm really not a fan of the CGM that I have now with my Veo, I've never been a fan of the Medtronic CGM to be honest, but use it anyway. I've heard that the Dexcom CGM is much more comfortable to wear and it looks less floppy and bulky, so yeah, leaning towards Animas Vibe and it seems I can get it in pink too! I'm currently using a pink Veo and absolutely refuse to use "boring" medical equipment Everything has to be colorful and/or pimped to not look boring, the one exception is my main manual wheelchair which is made out of carbon fiber and has a pretty nice design! Oh yes, you read that right! Carbon fiber wheelchair. It's called Panthera X and is the world's lightest wheelchair!
Oh, and I still don't have any long term complications from diabetes! Something I'm very grateful about and working hard to maintain!
Soooo, I've had some issues keeping my blood glucose in range today. I couldn't really pinpoint as to why that was as I wasn't eating anything unusual, don't feel a cold coming or anything. Anyhow, earlier tonight I was due to change my infusion set and fill my pump, and as I take the old infusion set out I also got the answer as to why I've been running high today: GUSHER! OMG!
Now I've had the odd gusher in the past but they're thankfully far apart. Now this particular one got pretty nasty as I am unable to stand up at all due to spinal cord injury- see where this is going? Yeah, you guessed it... There I was, sitting in my wheelchair going about to change my site when I suddenly get a splash of blood on my lap when I removed the old site and it just wouldn't stop bleeding for a while even with holding paper firmly over the "blood volcano"There was blood on the floor, blood on my pants, blood on my hands, blood on the wheelchair! Complete, utter mess to put it simple. Guess it would look like a murder scene in the kitchen if someone was to spray Luminol there... Nope, not a crime scene, only a T1 changing her insulin pump site.
Finally got the bleeding to stop and had to get help from my husband and parents to wash away all the blood and change clothes before finishing the site change and starting a load of laundry to hopefully not have to toss away my clothes because of big blood stains. Clothes are clean and dry now (thanks heavens for tumble dryers!) and looks like we got rid of all stains.
New site is in and my blood glucose is doing better! I really should have thought about changing my site earlier today when my glucose levels started to go up a bit, but as an old timer with T1 it was one of those simple solutions that just slipped past my mind because that site had been working fine up until today and it wasn't an overused site, nor had the set been in for too long. Just never learn to check the site first, before trying to find another 100 excuses as to why glucose is running too high. I mean it is after all cold season, I did have a kinda carby meal some hours before (nothing unusual, and I covered for it) and I'm a woman so hey, it could have been hormonal etc. Just didn't cross my mind that it could be the site because it looked fine- I can't really say felt fine as I don't have sensation in the area, and I was due to change sets today anyways so I was just going to do it later.
Hopefully I'll think of checking the site next time I'm running high without explanation, it really should be the first thing to check, along with tubing. Just never learn...
I really greatly dislike running high. Living with SCI further complicates things while running high because you know... The bladder is affected as well... I normally go on a schedule to avoid accidents as I don't feel my bladder and have little to no control over it and it works fine when my glucose levels are behaving. When running high enough to start peeing more I can't rely on my usual schedule and it greatly limits my ability to do things when running high as I'm not using an indwelling catheter but using intermittent ones each time I go. Have often been thinking that indwelling and leg bag would be easier at times, but the risk of UTI is so much higher with indwelling than with intermittent so my doctors and I prefer to avoid indwelling as much as possible
Oh, and I think I'll start to put a thick towel on my lap when changing infusion set in the future, to hopefully save my clothes from gushers if they happen...
At a nice and comfy 6.8mmol/l with stable arrow right now, so time to get some sleep, I'm beyond exhausted. Just wanted to make sure new site is working fine, and get my sugars down to better levels (they were hovering around 12-15mmol/l earlier. UGH) before going to sleep.
I really greatly dislike running high. Living with SCI further complicates it as well because you know... The bladder is affected as well... I normally go on a schedule to avoid accidents
Having lived with type 1 diabetes for about 11 years there are some things that are just auto pilot, and other things which are still difficult in managing. But regardless of any struggles that type 1 diabetes brings, I don't actually mind living with it, it has become part of who I am and even though I was diagnosed later in life (at 20) rather than in childhood I barely remember life before diabetes theses days.
I really don't mind the needle aspect of diabetes, it has never bothered me actually. I may not particularly enjoy CGM changes but even those aren't too bad. Injections, finger pricks or infusion site changes doesn't phase me the slightest, I just do it. But something that does bother me at times is the constant thinking you have to do when living with diabetes, estimating the possible outcome of an action and countering it to stay within range, things a non diabetic body does on its own. The whole constant thing about diabetes can get to me as well at times, especially on days where I struggle to keep my glucose level in range and may have it go up and down more than the elevators of Empire State Building despite my best efforts to have my glucose levels be more like a smooth ride on a gondola in Venice.
I am friends with my diabetes, not best friends of course but we tend to get along pretty well and I do think diabetes has made me a stronger person and hopefully a better person as well, I'd even feel very lost without diabetes to be really honest and I'm not sure I'd take a cure if a cure is ever found for type 1 diabetes, there are others who struggle more with their diabetes in every way that needs that cure more than I do.
I do however consider diabetes to be that annoying friend, you know... That friend who doesn't understand the concept of personal space, the friend who keeps calling you about stupid things even when knowing you're sick and just want to rest, the friend who will talk all the time when you're trying to read a book or watch TV or a movie, the friend who'll keep you awake all night talking about everything between earth and the outer rim of the universe when having a slumber party, the friend who walks in on you when having an ummm intimate moment with your significant other. But even with all that and the annoyances it's still a friend and you do have fun together even though that friend is driving you mad at the best of times. Not to mention that the friend might sleep walk and empty the fridge at night. Sometimes it would be nice to just be allowed to have some me-time without that friend disturbing, wishing the friend would just leave you alone if only just for a few hours or a day. Unfortunately this friend doesn't leave you alone, you can't just mute your phone to be left alone because then the friend will come over to your house instead and knock on the door until you open and then walk straight to raid your fridge or play Candy Crush in your bathroom. Sometimes you just want to shout at that friend to just leave you alone for once, but they don't listen with that ear.
As I'm typing this I'm rounding off a day of riding the elevator of Empire State Building and the friend just raided the fridge, in other words, I've just had to correct a hypo after a pretty rough day diabetes wise. I still don't hate diabetes, but do hope it will shut up and let me get some sleep now, and behave better tomorrow...
So it's one of those nights where I just can not sleep! I'm tossing and turning, my whole body is feeling distressed and in a sense, agitated and my legs are pretty spastic fantastic. Usually this is a sign of being in a lot of pain, pain that is sending signals that it's there and my body responds to it, but I can't physically feel the pain. It's pretty difficult to describe and a very odd sensation and not at all pleasant.
So here I am, just trying to write down some thoughts about things in general. Trying to remember what life was like before I got diabetes and before I got my injury. It's easier to remember the time before injury even though I was disabled then as well, but after 11 years with diabetes, I don't really remember much details of life pre diagnose. I just know life was a whole lot easier back in the days, no thinking about carbs, no testing, no highs, no lows, no needles etc, and I could go where I wanted not having to think about accessibility and so on. But was life really better back then? Was I more happy then than now? I honestly think the answer is no. While life has its struggles living with diabetes, genetic condition and SCI, happiness is so much more than what you live with. I'm an optimist and always look at things from the bright side when I can and as odd as it may sound, all the "crap" life has dealt me has made me into who I am and hopefully turned me into a better person as well. I'm the kind of person who makes the most of what I have rather than being bitter about things and a positive attitude can get you a long way no matter what. I have my struggles but it does not stop me and I'm grateful for the people around me and being able to do the things I do. I'm very happy with my life just as it is and the only thing I'd like to change right now is the fact that I'm awake still at almost 6 in the morning when I should have slept hours ago. But this too shall pass. I've taken some extra medicines so hoping my body is behaving better and legs will be less spastic in a bit. I'll get some sleep sooner or later.
But yeah, I have a loving husband, amazing parents, a comfy home that is adapted to be accessible and has some extras that are good both for my physiotherapy and when hosting guests, and I have the most loving cat! What more could you ask for? You can live well with diabetes, my genetic condition is monitored and managed as well as possible and you don't have to be able to use your legs to be happy!
With this I shall start watching another movie and hope sleep will arrive soon.
Been rather busy over the holidays so I haven't had time to check in here much. Had a great Christmas and New Year's, just busy with in-laws visiting and various family gatherings in general.
The holidays did however go pretty smoothly even with both me and hubby indulging some and paying for it later when neither of us got the insulin dose right the first time But I was still both surprised and impressed with how smooth everything has been, this was after all the first holiday season for my husband as a diagnosed type 1 diabetic, and on January 1st we celebrated his diaversary. And yes, we celebrated. He's doing well and he's managed that first year with type 1 diabetes very well, that is worth celebrating! That first year can be the worst one as you're trying to learn everything, learn how your body reacts to certain things, all while your pancreas might decide to be a twat and start working randomly and you don't know when. My husband is still in his honeymoon phase, but we're noticing a trend that he's needing to take a bit more insulin so looks like it may be ending. And I guess both of us will be relieved about that because his diabetes has been rather unpredictable for months now. Not that diabetes is ever predictable, but when you're 100% dependent on injected insulin with zero own production, at least you might be able to get an idea unless something unexpected happens that changes the whole situation, be it just a car backfiring outside the house so you get scared, and those glucose levels can be all over the place.
Either way. Busy but smooth holidays in my family, and both my husband and I are so grateful that he got his pump and CGMS a couple of months ago because that definitely made the season easier. Husband is having fewer hypos since he got the pump, much thanks to the Smart Guard that stops the insulin delivery when risking a hypo, and resumes it when back at safe levels. And yes, my husband and I have the same model of insulin pump Only his is black, mine is pink. He was tempted to go with Animas and the Dexcom but in the end went with Medtronic because it's a system he was familiar with before, from me, and he knew how useful Smart Guard can be so he wanted to have that as well.
I'm kinda sad that the holidays are over now. Christmas time is my favorite time of the year because it's so cozy with all the lights and decorations. January is just boring and gloomy and I wouldn't mind doing like the bears: hibernate!
But now, one last look at the CGMS and one last fingerstick of the day to compare the two, then some sleep!
So I had finally fallen asleep, hoping for a whole nights sleep... Only to wake up within 3h because my husband seemed pretty restless. Sure enough, he was having a hypo and woke up pretty much at the same time as I did. Both of us just rolled our eyes and he had some juice and a sandwich to get his blood glucose back up again. We can not wait until he starts pumping as well! While the pump isn't a guarantee for hypo free nights, at least it can prevent some of it thanks to the CGMS and the pump in question suspending insulin delivery when trends are going down. Long acting basal insulin is good and works well most of the time, but it doesn't stop working just because your blood glucose goes low, it will be there until it's done and there's nothing you can do about it except dealing with that hypo if it happens. Guess my husbands pancreas also decided it was a good idea to squirt out some of its own insulin in the middle of the night- his honeymoon is anything but a smooth ride *sigh* The path of a hurricane is more predictable than his blood glucose levels at the moment... And while diabetes is never fully predictable as there are so many factors affecting blood glucose levels and insulin sensitivity, at least it can be a bit less unpredictable when you don't have to deal with an erratic bum of a pancreas that works only when it wants to and you never know when that's gonna happen...
Now we're just awake for a while to make sure his levels aren't going to the moon instead of being low. So far so good and I hope the rest of the night will consist of undisturbed sleep for both of us. We're both very tired after a long day and have things to do tomorrow...
Nighttime lows blows!
On nights like this, I'm really grateful to have access to a CGM and a pump that communicates with it. Hubby and I were just thinking of going to sleep when I got a warning of sinking blood glucose levels. I'm currently at 4.0 with downward arrow, something I'm definitely not going to sleep with even with the Medtronic 640G at my side. I'm hungry anyways and am in fact beginning to feel low as well.
Now 4.0 isn't very low so I would have eaten something for it even without my CGM and pump, and I always test manually just before sleep anyways to make sure that I'm at a safe level to go to sleep on. But one thing I wouldn't have gotten without the CGM is the arrow, I would only have seen 4.0, but not in which direction my glucose is heading, is it going up or down or is it level? Now I know it's going down, and since I'm already 4.0 and with a downwards trend, the Smart Guard in my pump has kicked in and suspended the basal until my glucose reaches a pre set level again, at which point it resumes insulin delivery. And yes, it suspends at a higher level at night than it does in daytime, simply because it's easier to manage a hypo in daytime than at night.
But if I had been asleep now and didn't have my CGM and pump that responds to it, or didn't have a CGM at all, then I could have woken up with a nighttime hypo quite soon, with the risk of having all day tomorrow ruined by a nighttime hypo.
As I'm typing this I'm feeling slightly shaky and still heading downwards but my mind is still fairly clear so I don't need to hurry to eat something, and thanks to the pump being suspended I'd likely be fine without eating as well, if it wasn't for the fact that I have some IOB still from a snack earlier and *hangs head in shame* must have taken a little bit too much insulin for it Right now it's probably the IOB that's messing with me since I keep sinking. But oh well... Things like this happens sometimes, it's just the good old life of living with type 1 diabetes!
Now for the big question... What to eat to bring my glucose back up again? A sandwich and glass of milk? Some cereals with milk? Some candy and nuts? Juice and nuts? I know what I do NOT want at least: GLUCOSE TABS!
It's taken me about 30 minutes to write this down, as I started writing I was at 4.0 and now I'm down to 3.2 and really beginning to feel hypo... Darn you IOB!
Note to self: Remember to set Smart Guard to kick in sooner if having IOB as you're wanting to go to sleep
Now I really have to eat something! Sandwich and milk it is!
Kinda having a diabetic fail tonight
I haven't slept much nor well overnight, been having a fair bit of leg spasticity and I can't really pinpoint as to why. Now I do have spasms in my legs from time to time, but for the most part it doesn't wake me up or keep me awake. Most of the time I just get some spasms after a transfer or going over a bump or something.
Maybe I need to increase my muscle relaxant a bit, I'll talk with my doctor about it if my legs keep being this annoying at night tomorrow and over the weekend. It doesn't just disturb my sleep but also my husband's sleep as we sleep next to each other. When one or both of my legs spasms it can make the entire bed shake some. It's really quite annoying, I'd have to say it's the most annoying part about being paralyzed from a spinal cord injury. I can live with not being able to walk, but the spasms can be very bothersome and even cause injuries at times because of my underlying disorder. But other than those issues, my quality of life has actually improved some, as weird as that may sound! I used to have very intense pain in my hips and knees but since my injury, I no longer physically feel that pain, although my body still reacts to the pain so it doesn't mean I don't have to treat the pain. It's a relief to not feel it at least. It's really difficult to explain it all. If you've seen the movie The Intouchables you've seen the phenomenon at least as there are scenes in the movie where the paralyzed main character has moments where his body reacts to pain that he can not feel because of his injury.
Anyways, when I couldn't sleep I just spent some time watching videos on YouTube and reading some on my iPad while waiting for my spasms to calm down. Being awake of course also meant checking glucose levels from time to time, both on myself and hubby. Hubby takes his Levemir before bed and has been considering back and forth to split his dose or change to take his Levemir in the morning instead because he's afraid of night time lows, but the most likely is to split his dose because he finds it doesn't quite last the 24 hours it's supposed to last, it's more like 18-20 hours for him so he tends to need to take a bit more insulin with dinner and/or a small correction later in the evening depending on how his blood sugar is doing that particular day. Not getting the full 24 hours kinda makes it tricky to take the Levemir only in the morning, but on the other hand, with not eating for many hours it may still work okay unless he gets hit badly with DP. On the nights when I have checked on him, he does seem to have some DP in the early hours of the morning but not very much, on the other hand, he's only been diagnosed for a few weeks so the honeymoon period could begin at any point and he still has some insulin production on his own as well, morning, evening or both is something we'll figure out, but he seems keen to split the dose so I think he'll try that over the weekend already because he's been talking about it for a while now. Guess he'll try to call his team after breakfast to talk with them a little about his plans.
This past night I had to wake him because he was beginning to go low at about 03:00, not very low but it could have turned into a full blown night time hypo if both of us had been asleep. He had some juice and a protein bar before going back to sleep, the protein bar has 11g of carbs out of which only 0.9g is actual sugar so it works pretty well for keeping the glucose level up when wanting to prevent a hypo or avoid going low again if the next meal is many hours away. At least that's my experience and protein bars are easy to have by the bed, taste like candy- mmmmmm candy! It's also quite filling. I tend to have a protein bar as a bedtime snack if I'm slightly below my comfort zone even though I'm on a pump with CGM. It's just so unnecessary to have to wake up to eat something as even the Smart Guard isn't a guarantee for having no hypos, when you can just eat something before bed instead of gambling with your sleep quality!
Now I should get up and have some breakfast before trying to get a nap.
Hope everyone in any blizzard area will stay safe!
It's a new year and oh my did our life change for hubby and me as he was diagnosed with diabetes on January 1st, confirmed positive GAD65 earlier this week. But no worries, he's fine, we're both fine and he's taking it all very well and his levels are generally pretty good now considering everything.
We fell asleep relatively early tonight, but of course I didn't get all that much sleep before waking up randomly so here I am now, writing a little before trying to go back to sleep for a few more hours. Figured I might as well use the time to do something since I'm rarely able to just go back to sleep instantly if I wake up like this.
Hubby is still asleep, he's still a bit more tired than his usual self even though he's feeling a lot better now when his glucose levels are down to more normal levels, than he did just a week ago when he was running high and we didn't know.
We've made a smart deal with each other now too, he keeps his monitor by his pillow so if I wake up like this, I can easily check his glucose levels. It's a bit cumbersome for me to reach his monitor if he had kept it on the bedside table by his side of the bed, I can't walk at all and would have to transfer into my wheelchair to go there. But now it is on the bed, right between us. I just checked him and he didn't wake up from it, and thankfully he's at a good level now so I don't have to wake him up. If he wakes up at night and I'm asleep, he checks my CGM to see where I'm at, that's something he's been doing since we moved together, just for peace of mind. He doesn't wake up at night very often though, but when he does, he checks on me if I'm still asleep. Now we'll simply check on each other at night if the other is asleep. It feels safe! But we're not setting any alarms to check on each other, we'll just check on each other if waking up anyways, like I did now.
He's already mentioned looking into getting a CGM as well to be able to keep track better, and to have a system that warns if he's going too high or too low. He doesn't mind the finger poking, it's just that it's limited in a way, it can be a long time between tests and things can happen fast. He's a little bit afraid of glucose levels going all over the place while sleeping because he knows far too well what a bad hypo at night can do to your following day, after seeing me being like a zombie most of the day on more than one occasion after having battled a nighttime hypo the night before.
Beginning to feel really sleepy again so think I'll just check my CGM and check manually as well while I'm at it, and then go back to sleep if I can.
Well, my blood glucose is all good as well, so off to sleep I go, again!
I haven't been around here for a very long time now, and it's been even longer since I last wrote anything in this blog.
There's been a lot going on in real life so I just haven't had the time or energy to be on any social media or forum.
Taking care of my own diabetes along with other health issues is for sure a kind of full time job, only it doesn't give a paycheck other than staying healthy (or as healthy as can be) by doing that job well. Lately there's been some stress around in life, so my diabetes is behaving a bit more erratic than I'd like it, but it's still manageable. The stress? Oh, just my husband being in a very unpredictable honeymoon with blood glucose all over the place and we're doing our very best to keep him in range. Both him and I hope that his diabetes honeymoon will come to an end soon, because at least for me, things became more predictable and "easier" to deal with once the honeymoon ended all those years ago. We're hoping that will be the case for him as well. His insulin needs are beginning to increase a bit now so hopefully that means the honeymoon is ending, these past few months have been pretty ugly and both of us have lost a lot of sleep due his fluctuating glucose levels.
He's still on MDI but getting started on the Minimed 640g system in a couple of weeks, something we're very grateful for as it will enable him to match his insulin needs with more precision and both of us can hopefully get better sleep as the CGMS will warn if he goes out of range, and suspend delivery in case he's about to go low, and resume once danger is over. While it's not a guarantee you won't have hypos, at least for me that feature has saved me from some bad ones and I have fewer hypos in general, especially at night when I'm not awake and can actively prevent hypos.
Gee, I can barely even type now, feeling so sleepy. Main reason I'm even awake now is because I'm in too much pain to sleep, but some extra medicine has started to work a little now so hopefully I can fall asleep. At least my husband is sleeping and I just checked is blood glucose and it's at a decent level, tad bit high but better a tad bit high than going low. Just glad I don't have to wake him to have some snack. If he wakes up a bit high later that can be dealt with then. Just can not wait until he's got the pump and CGMS up and running and the basal rates has been figured out.
Ok, can't keep my eyes open any longer, and it's not because of the painkillers...