i guess you could call it a break down. everyone breaks down sometimes right? i mean its only healthy to do so. you get caught up in life. other priorities. school family friends work. diabetes is always first priority. ofcourse it has to be. with all the complications for the future you would have to be completely crazy not to care. not to have it be the most stressful worry in the back of your mind. so here i am in my room just thinking to myself. when you take a step back from daily life and look at the big picture. and how you could have pushed your first priority to the back of your mind, yet again. how could i have lost focus again! breakdown. focus. thats all it is right? you can have the best diet, insulin ratio, schedule, but you have to focus on these thing so they can help you be successful. i guess once you let all these things slip to the back of your mind focus is gone. and then one simple moment reminds you of whats important. how diabetes must be at the front of your mind all the time. is this even possible? diabetes is life but then why is necessary to make and conscious reminders to keep it first priority. those that can focus on diabetes without having to remind themselves to stay focused, they must be on the right track. sometimes i feel like if i could go to a deserted place to be with myself and my diabetes we might become one. i would focus, and prepare myself for real life, busy, fast paced life with diabetes. after 7 years with diabetes i have never had this constant focus on diabetes. maybe its to do with consistency, there is none. one meal plan, this insulin dose, that one, new insulin type, on pump off pump, multiple injections, set schedule injections. before i can grab hold of one this there comes another, like life i suppose. its so hard to keep something so long term in the front of your mind all the time when short term things take your energy. its just a thought but maybe someone will read and it will trigger some change in someone, or myself.