Ok I admit it. I have been over in the corner pouting. I haven't wanted to bore you or come across like a drama queen.
I am posting here tonight because I fell off the wagon. As you know a full pout takes plenty of focus and concentration!
Tomorrow morning I am back at the gym and to H E L L with being a wuss.
Thanks to Kelly and all you guys I am making a commitment to get back up on that horse. It is easy to say tonight and I may rue my words in the morning or next week but you guys help me to feel accountable. If I had a trainer I would work with them 6 days a week. Left on my own I sometimes flounder and back off when I think I can't have it my way. ( Challenging' date=' all-out kind of exercise, whoopie!)
The doc says my heart can take it -being pushed hard. That I won't die or anything but it is hard on me. I get really wiped out with that faster heart beat. I get dizzy, nauseous, and can fall asleep sitting up. I am not even sure I have the dogged patience to go in small increments and over time increase it bit by bit. I don't even know if I can increase my endurance much at all with this galloping heart of mine. It's ironic, it gallops and I can't. : )
With all of you and a few friends at the gym behind me I can try. I still have a few cobwebs blurring the vision of my future. I want to be able to do the things that I love so much and exercise in general. Even dancing effects me. At the moment I am only promising to try. This is harder for me than going all out, full-tilt.
I'm scared and embarrassed, angry and upset about my limitations. I think of myself like some bouncy athlete and that just isn't what my body can do now. Lowering my expectations and accepting 'what is' has always been difficult for me when it comes to limiting those deliciously fun things in life. I also really want to be in excellent shape and drop the rest of this squirrely poundage.
I am at a loss and know I have to get off my A$$ and get after it. Whatever 'it' is.
Thanks for being here while I try to get this figured out and for being an inspiration every day,