I forgot to eat lunch today.
I wasn't hungry, and I was busy. I never even thought about eating.
When I realized what I had done or what I had not done, at 2:10pm, my heart started racing. I went into panic mode. Anybody on rapid insulin knows what panic mode is: you've screwed up, you don't really know what you did wrong, but you know your in deep trouble! All the events of the morning went racing through my head: the coffee, the meeting, the work, the quick visits to DF and FB. I realized I did in fact still have my lunch in my bag. I also realized I had no reason to panic.
I'm getting near the end of 35 years of doing this. I think I've forgotten to eat lunch a few times, but I really can't remember. I was started on Lente insulin in 1975. I took one shot a day for probably the first x years. Then I moved to two a day. Progress! In the late 80's, around 1987, I remember discussing how silly this routine was with my doctor, and he agreed. I don't know the exact routine I was put on though. It involved Lente and Toronto (Regular). It's all a blur. I do know it wasn't until 1995 that I went on Intensive Insulin Therapy or MDI with Novalog and UltraLente. During these first 20 years skipping meals just wasn't done. Skipping meals would send me into a severe hypo. I needed to eat just as much to keep from going low as for energy or sunstainance. Even on MDI I didn't skip. I remember Mr. Endo saying I could, but I also remember somebody saying I shouldn't skip meals. I know I never had the confidence too. For some reason I always had raging hunger at meal times. The carbs? It has been ingrained in my head that missing meals is BAD!
I do know that I can now skip meals. In fact I do it all the time. I omitted breakfast three times last week. I just wasn't hungry in the mornings. But I don't forget. These were conscious decisions. I was prepared for the consequences.
There were no consequences with the planned or unplanned omissions. That's a good thing. It's a sign of control, of normalcy. We all strive for a level of normalcy in our lives.
Next time I won't panic. At least that's what I'm telling myself.