Why am I so docile? Never taking up for myself. Never saying what I really want to say when somebody insults me or tries to make me feel stupid or uneducated. My feet were red, dry and painful this morning as well as my knees being crushed while I slept....or tried to anyway. Like an a$$ I had to mention it to Sheila who sighed and said "well maybe my legs hurt too and so do a lot of other peoples. " "I said maybe yours hurt from riding a bike down the street after 45 years." Basically she cut me off then and changed the subject and of course I just let sugar drip from my lips as usual like it never hurt my feelings or anything. I think sometimes I have to talk about it just to wrap my head around the fact that this is my new life. Hands are aching but I am typing and later will clean the house even though I will be down then for hours afterward.
I need to just embrace the pain as my ankles are already going numb in the front. A few spots on the bottoms of my feet as well and part of the top of my right foot. They say as the numbness continues then the pain is gone. I am thinking I would much rather have the pain than be in a wheelchair in assisted living. perish the thought! On someone who has this could truly understand it. Meds just mask it and make you less aware of your being. Not for me. At least I still have full control of my mentality. I hope they legalize cannabis this year. My doctor said 1 puff 3 times a day would rid my pain for 24 hours. I can't even imagine an entire day without pain. It's been a long time.