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kooka's kafe'

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Why do I try




That is how I feel today. Yesterday was so great. Went to church, visited a friend and went shopping. Can I walk today? barely. Am I in pain. Of course. Is my foot skin stretched across like a rubber band and all my toes broken and crushed. of course. I hate what cancer and that dang tumor on my pancreas is doing to my quality of life. I fake that joyful spirit while I am gritting my teeth trying to walk another few feet. I gave all my new shoes away because with the orthodinics they now longer fit. Now I need all new shoes a size bigger. I could just cry. I have, however, learned very much that smiles can be deceiving. Oh yes.


I once thought I was the perfect clown as I carried all my burdens under my mask and now it's almost to hard to do that lately. This disease has a way of becoming your life's work and your daily mantra. What to eat, what not to eat, what vitamins, what exercise, what medication, is it up, is it down to low and on and on and on. Then it becomes can I walk today, how long, can I hide the pain, will my shoes fit today, will the socks make my legs swell up, will hot water make my feet freeze, can I sit in church without having to take my shoes off, can I walk down the stairs to the car. I am just so tired of it all today. Pain does that to people. Ugh.


Diabetes has not ruined my life. Neuropathy has. :(


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