So it's one of those nights where I just can not sleep! I'm tossing and turning, my whole body is feeling distressed and in a sense, agitated and my legs are pretty spastic fantastic. Usually this is a sign of being in a lot of pain, pain that is sending signals that it's there and my body responds to it, but I can't physically feel the pain. It's pretty difficult to describe and a very odd sensation and not at all pleasant.
So here I am, just trying to write down some thoughts about things in general. Trying to remember what life was like before I got diabetes and before I got my injury. It's easier to remember the time before injury even though I was disabled then as well, but after 11 years with diabetes, I don't really remember much details of life pre diagnose. I just know life was a whole lot easier back in the days, no thinking about carbs, no testing, no highs, no lows, no needles etc, and I could go where I wanted not having to think about accessibility and so on. But was life really better back then? Was I more happy then than now? I honestly think the answer is no. While life has its struggles living with diabetes, genetic condition and SCI, happiness is so much more than what you live with. I'm an optimist and always look at things from the bright side when I can and as odd as it may sound, all the "crap" life has dealt me has made me into who I am and hopefully turned me into a better person as well. I'm the kind of person who makes the most of what I have rather than being bitter about things and a positive attitude can get you a long way no matter what. I have my struggles but it does not stop me and I'm grateful for the people around me and being able to do the things I do. I'm very happy with my life just as it is and the only thing I'd like to change right now is the fact that I'm awake still at almost 6 in the morning when I should have slept hours ago. But this too shall pass. I've taken some extra medicines so hoping my body is behaving better and legs will be less spastic in a bit. I'll get some sleep sooner or later.
But yeah, I have a loving husband, amazing parents, a comfy home that is adapted to be accessible and has some extras that are good both for my physiotherapy and when hosting guests, and I have the most loving cat! What more could you ask for? You can live well with diabetes, my genetic condition is monitored and managed as well as possible and you don't have to be able to use your legs to be happy!
With this I shall start watching another movie and hope sleep will arrive soon.