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nicole

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nicole

I went to this place called Akron Pregnancy Services today and talked to a lady about my choice, and they talked to Bobby also.

 

Bobby and I talked some more about it and we are both 50/50 on it now.

 

So once again I have changed my mind and now I'm not sure AGAIN.

Bobby has said that he's going to be there no matter what, so its up to me now.

 

I'll keep you all updated again. SORRY for doing that to everyone.

 

I don't know.. I'm going to talk to someone about abortion Thursday. Then I'll have both sides and I'll be able to make my for sure decision after that.

 

My mind right about now is running circles, and its blank at the same time.. :eek:

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lorilei

awww nicole! If you can talk to someone who has actually been through the abortion experience, i think that person would have a better handle on it than those of us who are just "observers." Good luck the next few days...

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Evermont

In a previous life I was a carpenter of sorts.

 

We have a saying: Measure twice, cut once.

 

You might make a good carpenter and/or mommy. :D Hang in there kiddo - you'll figure this out.

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Keezheekoni

Nicole, I understand the overwhelming decision that you're having to make... I think it'd be a good time to get your parents' imput. Honestly if my daughter were pregnant, I know that I'd be the first person she'd tell (of course, she's on depo and I take her in to get the shot...), but once she's on her own, I do know that she'd tell me first.

 

If you trust and love your parents, I think that they should be a listening board for you. :)

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Cassini

Nicole, I am so sorry for you going through such a hard time. Making life changing decisions are very hard and all the choices you have must have you going in circles for sure.

 

Just wanted to let you know that I too am on your side whatever choice you make,

 

You are in my thoughts and prayers while you go through this all,

 

Cass

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alicat61

:) Hi Nicole,

It is good that you are speaking to people about your options.

Also that you and Bobby are doing it together.

I too think you should discuss it with your parents yours and Bobby's before you make a final decision.

As others have said what ever decision you make I too am on your side

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lugnut48

I agree with Rikki - talk to your parents. They may be mad at first (I know I would be), but I'm sure they'll warm up.

 

Good luck with your decision. Hopefully you'll choose the right one for everyone involved, and not just yourself. Life is so much bigger than just you, your boyfriend or your parents - I can promise you that.

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Psycho Penguin

Since you posted this here publically, I would usually criticize you publically, but I'll probably get nasty responses again, so I won't. Just know that not everyone agrees with what you're doing and making daily topics about it isn't convincing anyone who thinks the way I do right now.

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hodgsonsurvivor

I want to start by saying "Good luck". You'll need every ounce of strength you can muster no matter what you decide. However, unless you are convinced that carrying this child to term will cause you to physically/emotionally/mentally suffer beyond what can be healed, then maybe you should focus on being healthy and delivering a healthy baby. You do not have to decide who will raise it at this juncture in your life, but if you think you may want to keep him or her, now's a good time to start planning. Abortion should not be used as a form of birth control, but I will not judge you either way. I believe in prevention. But now that you are pregnant, I think you are so for a reason and I'd hate to think of what you could be passing up or what plan you may alter because you decided you weren't ready to give birth. :(

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lugnut48

Unfortunately Kristina, this is the case. She has said in a previous post, that she doesn't want to bring "a baby into this world when neither" of them "have a job right now." To me, that sounds like a financial decision and makes it sound that the baby would be too much of a burden financially.

 

When will people learn - you're almost NEVER financially ready to raise a kid? You make things work, regardless of your income level.

 

And Penguin - I agree. I'd love to unleash a fury of tongue lashings for even the consideration of aborting it because of a financial inconvenience, but I can't and won't. :mad:

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hodgsonsurvivor
I want to start by saying "Good luck". You'll need every ounce of strength you can muster no matter what you decide. However, unless you are convinced that carrying this child to term will cause you to physically/emotionally/mentally suffer beyond what can be healed, then maybe you should focus on being healthy and delivering a healthy baby. You do not have to decide who will raise it at this juncture in your life, but if you think you may want to keep him or her, now's a good time to start planning. Abortion should not be used as a form of birth control, but I will not judge you either way. I believe in prevention. But now that you are pregnant, I think you are so for a reason and I'd hate to think of what you could be passing up or what plan you may alter because you decided you weren't ready to give birth. :(

 

Oh...I wanted to add...you're already a mom, so don't think that anything you do from here on out will change that fact.

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mell1682

I'm so sorry it's such a difficult decision to make. No matter what happens, I honestly just hope you're at peace with it and that you let nobody make you feel bad for your choice cuz til we've walked in your shoes, we cannot possibly know where you are coming from. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way Nicole! I'm always here for ya!

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nicole

If I didn't want to hear what you all have to say I would have never posted this thread!

 

I posted it to get your advice and thoughts on it.. for example wether some of you would do it or not, or maybe some of you have and I wanted to know how it made you feel afterwards..

 

Not to be criticized for keeping my options open.

 

Like I've said before, the decision I make will affect Bobby and I, and only Bobby and I. And for that matter it's really going to affect me more than Bobby anyways.

 

I appreciate all the advice and criticism I'm receiving, more so the advice than the criticism.. but anyways if you feel the need to lash out at me for keeping my options open, feel free to do so. It won't influence me or make me feel anymore bad than I already do.

 

But at this time in my life I feel like this is something I can't handle right now.

 

And you mean to tell me that if you were living with your b/f in your parents house, you didn't have a job, or ANY WAY to even support YOURSELF much less a baby you would STILL have the baby?!?!?

 

My take on it is if I'm going to carry a baby for NINE MONTHS of my life then I'm sure as heck going to keep it!! Do you men realize how attached women get during that 9 months??!!??

 

Sure that baby may not be here physically, but it will be soon enough. I'm sorry I'm not going to carry a baby for 9 months of my life then turn around and give it up, no in that case i'm going to keep it if I go nine months carrying it . So no, adoption is not an option.

 

I'm happy for the people that could have theirs, and keep them. But times are different now and things have changed. You don't think I feel bad enough about it, well news flash.. I DO!

 

I don't want to abort it, but right now its whats best for me.

 

I'll continue to hear what you have to say, but I can't promise that it will change my mind.

 

** And by the way.. I'm going Thursday to an abortion clinic to TALK to someone about it, not actually have it done. I want to hear from both sides what their take on it is before I go and make a final decision.

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JediSkipdogg
Like I've said before, the decision I make will affect Bobby and I, and only Bobby and I. And for that matter it's really going to affect me more than Bobby anyways.

 

Actually, it affects you, bobby, and the life of that child inside of you. So it affects 3 people and you seem to be thinking about yourself more than that of the child. You can find a way to make it work. Get a job now and start saving the money.

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nicole
You can find a way to make it work. Get a job now and start saving the money.

 

Okay thats easier said than done!!

I CAN'T just get up and go get a job.. I have tried umpteen times and NOBODY is hiring right now, because of how the economy is at this point in time.

 

I'd like to see you just up and get a job like its nothing.

 

I mean for pete sake, MCDONALDS ISN'T even hiring right now. And to me thats a job ANYBODY can get, they'd hire a homeless man if he came in and filled out an app and said I need this job, I'm homeless. But right now, they wouldn't because there NOT hiring right now.

 

If you'd watch the news or read the paper, even check the internet once in a while, you'd see that there are so many layoffs and job cuts right now. Were in the worst economic downfall since the 1920's!!!! And you tell me to go get a job and start saving now, haaaaaa. Thats a joke right??? I've TRIED I don't know how many times and all I get is "Were not hiring right now, in fact were letting more people go than we ever have." Sales are down more than they have ever been, so no need to hire new people. Trust me if I could get a job right now I would, and there would be no question about what I was going to do. I'd go right ahead and have it, but that decision hasn't been made yet, and I won't know until thursday afternoon what I'm doing.

 

It's no easy being in this situation and I'm going to make the decision that bests suits me right now.

 

So until then I'll keep you all posted on what I do know, and then Thursday afternoon or Friday I'll let you know for sure.

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Lizzie G

Hi Nicole

 

I can see how frustrated and confused you must be feeling by choosing to make posts on a public forum about something so personal. As much as everyone wants to help and as much as we all want you to make the right choice for yourself, your partner and your unborn child, and as much as you value the opinions of the people who give such great and heartfelt advice on this forum, I do think on this occasion that it might be a good idea to reach out to those close to you where you live and in your everyday life at this point in time; your friends, family and the people that are a part of your day to day life. These are the people that are going to be there to support you and to take care of you whatever decision you make, and by talking to them now you might be able to alleviate certain worries you have, for example, your parents. you might be surprised by how much practical and financial support they are prepared to offer.

 

On the forum we can all look at the pros and cons of your choice in a detached way, but we dont know the people involved and have no idea to what lengths your family and friends may or may not go to should you decide to go through with your pregnancy; it is those people you need to reach out to. I know you are young and you dont have a job and things are tough but try to look past these things and think about whether as a person you can offer the love and all the other attributes that a mother needs to have; and whether you love this baby already and the other stuff can fall into place.

 

Good luck Nicole, talk to you mom and let her help you.

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microwave

Dont kill the kid, give it up for adoption if you have to.

 

I dont care what anyone says or thinks, you are terminating a life, not a bunch of cells. Anyway you try to bend it the end result is a life.

 

Be less worried about how YOUR life has been inconvenienced, your choices led you to this. It isnt the kids fault.

 

Not to infringe on your autonomomy or anything...

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Jan B

It's not easy being in this situation and I'm going to make the decision that bests suits me right now.

 

 

 

This just about says it all. Nicole, in your profile, you say you have great parents. Please talk to them if you haven't already.

 

Sending you love.

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lugnut48

So - let's make sure we get this correct. You're basically saying:

 

1) I can't talk to my parents because I live with my b/f, in their house and don't have a job. They'd be mad. Very mad.

 

-Counterpoint: perhaps your b/f shouldn't have been living with you? What obligation do your parents have to let him live with you? And if they're letting him sleep in your room, surely they'd expect something like this to happen. I know I would, but then again - I'd never let him live in the house, regardless of his situation.

 

2) I can't have a baby - I'm poor and don't have a job. I can't raise this kid.

 

-Counterpoint: yes you can. It's called growing up. It's called becoming responsible. It's called getting a life. Do you forget about all the assistance you could probably get?

 

3) I can't carry it around for 9 months and give it up!

 

-Counterpoint: sure you can. If you're so convinced that killing it is okay, then why isn't allowing it to live and go to someone else? Think of it like this: you'll be doing the kid a favor, society a favor, and a happy set of parents a favor. The kid because, he gets to live. Society because we won't have to support you. And a happy family because they get the gift of a child.

 

So - in general, this sounds like a form of birth control. Get knocked up, kill the kid. I'll bet you'd do it again, and again, and again when/if you get knocked up. And for someone who's SOOOO conservative, I'm amazed you'd even consider this option.

 

I may come off as if I am against every single abortion, which I'm not. There are good reasons to have an abortion, but you're reasons? They're insane. Here's some advice: grow up, get a life, and while you're at it, have your b/f do the same.

 

This post will probably get removed by me saying this, but - it's people like you that I feel shouldn't have children at all. You don't appreciate life. You can't care about anything more than yourself. End point: you're selfish. Why don't you think outside you're own little bubble that you're in for once and make a rational decision of life for the sake of life, instead of killing it because you can't deal with a child right now.

 

And one more thing: I don't care how you feel if you get an abortion. I don't care if it tears you up inside, if you can't sleep, or if you want to jump off a bridge. Your way of thinking is about as backwards as can be. Did the child in there decide to be put there? No, you did. You make the choices to allow this to happen. This is your own doing. And because it'll turn your life upside down, you want to just get rid of it? How pathetic.

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Psycho Penguin

I'm just curious why you haven't heard of these things called "birth control" and "condoms" if you are having all these concerns now. Shoulda thought about this a month ago? Or "that can't happen to me" syndrome?

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owlyn

What a bunch of nasty, miserable bastards (not everyone above, you know who you are).

 

Someone is trying to make life's most difficult decision, and you decide it's time for a lecture. Very nice. How supportive. Do me a favor. Don't ever offer me any of your "help".

 

Nicole, I will PM you.

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morrisma

Nicole,

This sure has turned out to be a rough crowd considering the usual compassion available.

 

Still, as I said, I've been on both sides of this decision and if you need an eighty-fifth opinion, you can PM me as well. I'm 54 and while my experience was when I was in my teens, the emotional memory is still pretty sharp. You are in a tough spot no mistake but you will decide and will get on with your life. Here's to you.

Mike

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enigmalady777

Nicole, if you haven't done so already, I really really urge you to talk to your parents. You may be very pleasantly surprised with how they respond to you.

 

My older daughter found herself in this situation twice. Both times, my husband and I told her we support her no matter what decision she makes. The first pregnancy, she had the abortion. Afterwards she cried about it for the longest time.

 

The second time she got pregnant it was a few years later, different boyfriend. She couldn't bear the thought of throwing away another life, so she had the baby. Our darling little granddaughter is now 13 months old.

 

As it turns out, my little granddaughter is the light of our lives. My daughter still lives with us, along with our granddaughter. My daughter has a very strong support network right here at home and there's always someone available to care for and spoil my granddaughter.

 

And yes, as a single parent, you should be able to qualify for a few assistance programs. My daughter was able to get WIC (Women, Infants and Children) Food package assistance until the baby was a year old and also was able to get medical care through a state program as well as cash aid from the state. The programs vary by state, but they are definitely there to help out. My daughter wasn't (and still is not) employed either.

 

There are many options available to you.

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lugnut48
What a bunch of nasty, miserable bastards (not everyone above, you know who you are).

 

Someone is trying to make life's most difficult decision, and you decide it's time for a lecture. Very nice. How supportive. Do me a favor. Don't ever offer me any of your "help".

 

If she wanted support, I can almost guarantee there are other forums that she can sign up on and get it from there. She (and you) should know by now that if you're going to publicly announce something of this magnitude, be prepared for both sides. I think that's life in general. Don't want people's opinions? Don't ask.

 

And guess what - it is lecture time. Lemme ask you this: if I cam on this forum, a diabetes forum, and announced that I had lost it last night, and beat my newborn who is 10 days old, do you think I'd not get a lecture or nasty replies? Now - let's kick it up a notch - she's debating whether or not to stop a beating heart. Do you really think she's not going to get a lecture or nasty replies?

 

So owlyn, do yourself a favor - don't ask for any "help" in a situation like this.

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