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Hammer

A Thread For Humor

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jer.lawrence

(Sorry it's so long... :D)

 

 

 

STATE OF MICHIGAN

Reply to: GRAND RAPIDS DISTRICT OFFICE STATE OFFICE BUILDING 6TH FLOOR

350 OTTAWA NW GRAND RAPIDS MI 49503-2341

JOHN ENGLER, Governor

DEPARTMENT OF ENVIRONMENTAL QUALITY

HOLLISTER BUILDING, PO BOX 30473, LANSING MI 48909-7973

INTERNET: http://www.deq.state.mi

RUSSELL J. HARDING, Director

 

December 17, 1997

 

CERTIFIED

 

Mr. Ryan DeVries 2088 Dagget Pierson, MI 49339

 

Dear Mr. DeVries:

 

SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023-1 T11N, R10W, Sec. 20, Montcalm County

 

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

 

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files show that no permits have been issued.

 

Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws annotated. The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris dams and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all unauthorized activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the strewn channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 1998. Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request, or any further unauthorized activity on the site, may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.

 

Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

 

Sincerely,

 

David L. Price

District Representative Land and Water Management Division

 

 

 

 

Dear Mr. Price:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N, R10W, Sec 20; Montcalm County

 

Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond to. You sent out a great deal of carbon copies to a lot of people, but you neglected to include their addresses. You will, therefore, have to send them a copy of my response.

 

First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries is not the legal landowner and/or contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan - I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, nor authorize, their dam project, I think they would be highly offended you call their skillful use of natural building materials "debris." I would like to challenge you to attempt to emulate their dam project any dam time and/or any dam place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no dam way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

 

As to your dam request the beavers first must fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity, my first dam question to you is: are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or do you require all dam beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, please send me completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws annotated.

 

My first concern is - aren't the dam beavers entitled to dam legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said dam representation - so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing dam flooding is proof we should leave the dam Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names. If you want the dam stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition - contact the dam beavers - but if you are going to arrest them (they obviously did not pay any dam attention to your dam letter-being unable to read English) - be sure you read them their dam Miranda rights first.

 

As for me, I am not going to cause more dam flooding or dam debris jams by interfering with these dam builders. If you want to hurt these dam beavers - be aware I am sending a copy of your dam letter and this response to PETA. If your dam Department seriously finds all dams of this nature inherently hazardous and truly will not permit their existence in this dam State - I seriously hope you are not selectively enforcing this dam policy, or once again both I and the Spring Pond Beavers will scream prejudice!

 

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their dam unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green, and water flows downstream. They have more dam right than I to live and enjoy Spring Pond. So, as far as I and the beavers are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more dam elevated enforcement action now. Why wait until 1/31/98? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then, and there will be no dam way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then. In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real environmental quality (health) problem: bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the dam beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!) Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

 

Sincerely,

Stephen L. Tvedten

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Jan B

Hammer and the rest of you contributers:

 

THANK YOU!! This is good medicine here!

 

Dam Beavers.

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Hammer

Husband Store

 

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

 

 

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

 

 

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

 

 

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

 

 

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

 

 

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

 

 

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

 

 

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

 

 

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

 

 

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

 

 

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

 

 

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

 

 

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

 

 

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

 

 

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

 

 

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

 

 

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. (scroll and keep reading!)

 

PLEASE NOTE:

 

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

 

 

The first floor has wives that love sex.

 

 

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

 

 

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

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jer.lawrence

Sorry for the long ones, I'll stop if it's too much, these have just always cracked me up.

 

===[]===

 

Dear Maid,

 

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

 

Thank you,

S. Berman

 

 

Dear Room 635,

 

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily.

I hope this is satisfactory.

 

Kathy, Relief Maid

 

 

Dear Maid — I hope you are my regular maid.

 

Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.

 

Please remove them.

 

S. Berman

 

 

Dear Mr. Berman,

 

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.

 

Your regular maid,

Dotty

 

 

Dear Mr. Berman,

 

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.

 

Elaine Carmen

Housekeeper

 

 

Dear Miss Carmen,

 

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 745 AM and don't get back before 530 or 6PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

 

S. Berman

 

 

Dear Mr. Berman,

 

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you,

 

Elaine Carmen,

Housekeeper

 

 

Dear Mr. Kensedder,

 

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

 

S. Berman

 

 

Dear Mr. Berman,

 

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

 

Martin L. Kensedder

Assistant Manager

 

 

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

 

Who the **** left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one **** bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

 

S. Berman

 

 

Dear Mr. Berman,

 

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

 

Elaine Carmen

Housekeeper

 

 

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

 

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:

 

* On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.

* On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.

* On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.

* Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.

* In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.

* On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.

* On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

 

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

 

S. Berman

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foxl
And for those who are binary impaired, this translates to

 

49 20 64 6f

 

:D

 

I will admit to being binary impaired ... okay. so what is this???

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raffi

I was really hoping someone would ask.

 

It is hex for

 

111 40 144 157

 

 

:D:D:D:D:D

 

 

 

OK. I'll be nice. Letters on the computer are represented by numbers. This i called the ascii code. The numbers above corrispond to I SPACE d o

 

The one above is the octal (base 8) representation of those numbers. hex is base 16.

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foxl

Haw!

 

 

At least I know what Octal IS. :D

 

I was really hoping someone would ask.

 

It is hex for

 

111 40 144 157

 

 

:D:D:D:D:D

 

 

 

OK. I'll be nice. Letters on the computer are represented by numbers. This i called the ascii code. The numbers above corrispond to I SPACE d o

 

The one above is the octal (base 8) representation of those numbers. hex is base 16.

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fgummett

Sounds like me Jason... I'm known as the "all night wonder" :cool:

 

When I show a woman a good time, she is left staring at the ceiling, all night, wondering what the heck was that?!? :D

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Hammer
Sounds like me Jason... I'm know as the "all night wonder" :cool:

 

When I show a woman a good time, she is left staring at the ceiling all night, wondering what the heck was that?!? :D

 

Heck, that's better than me. They call me the "Rodeo Cowboy"....where 10 seconds is considered a good ride.:D

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Hammer

Are there any undiscovered colors?

 

 

What was "The Best Thing" before sliced bread?

 

 

When signmakers go on strike, how do they make their point?

 

 

How many men would it take to kill an elephant with their bare hands?

 

 

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

 

 

Is there another word for synonym?

 

 

Why is marmalade not called orange jam?

 

 

Why do evil villains always include ventilation shafts in their strongholds? Do they never learn?

 

 

Is there any place on Earth, where, for any reason, the sun doesn't shine?

 

 

Why do people write to their diaries in the second person, as in "Dear Diary"?

 

 

Where is the middle of nowhere?

 

 

If a deaf man goes to court, is it still called a hearing?

 

 

Who copyrighted the copyright symbol?

 

 

Why do round pizzas come in square boxes?

 

 

If you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant, what do you do?

 

 

Tarzan always looked very sleek and well-kempt, despite being raised by apes. How come he doesn't have a beard?

 

 

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

 

 

What do NASA scientists say instead of, "It's not rocket science, you know."?

 

 

Is it a cliche to say that a phrase is "something of a cliche"?

 

 

How much can you get away with and still go to Heaven?

 

 

How come they don't make mouse flavored cat food?

 

 

If a monkey farts, does it smell like bananas?

 

 

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

 

 

Do stupid people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

 

 

Is it possible for a person to be a closet claustrophobe?

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jer.lawrence

(Some slight language in this one..)

 

===========

 

Hi Sue,

 

Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this:

 

We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of **** sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a jacuzzi.

 

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my @$$ started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds, it started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened to me. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

 

This is even worse than the poison ivy I once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my @$$. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the comms. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he along with 5 other divers were laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing water stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface.

 

I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to shove it up my crack when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't **** for two days because my @$$h0le was swollen shut. I later found out that this could easily have been prevented if the suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship.

 

Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your @$$. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope that thought will make it a little more tolerable. Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon.

 

Love,

Brian

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Supermario

Anyone see Ricky Gervais host the Golden Globe Awards last night?

 

"I enjoy a drink as much as the next man... unless that next man is Mel Gibson". At which point Ricky dances off the stage, laughing his a$$ off and Mel is left to face the shocked laughter of the audience. It was priceless. I'm sure it's on youtube.

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plattb1

1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer's history when you die.

 

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

 

3. I totally take back all those times when I was younger that I didn't want to nap.

 

4. Why isn't there a sarcasm font? I really need one!

 

5. Why doesn't Map Quest start their directions on #5? I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood ...

 

6. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

 

7. Bad decisions make good stories.

 

8. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

 

9. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu- Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection ... again.

 

10. I hate it when I miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? D@mmit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and then goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

 

11. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then don't seeing anyone I'd like to impress the entire day. What a waste!

 

12. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with a Budweiser than Kay. :T

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plattb1
Anyone see Ricky Gervais host the Golden Globe Awards last night?

 

"I enjoy a drink as much as the next man... unless that next man is Mel Gibson". At which point Ricky dances off the stage, laughing his a$$ off and Mel is left to face the shocked laughter of the audience. It was priceless. I'm sure it's on youtube.

 

Yes, I saw it & I agree ... priceless.

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Hammer

Barrie, that list was right on, especially number 2!

 

Once, years ago when I was on Fen-Phen, it became so popular that is was hard to get. Most pharmacies were out of it, or had limited quantities and could only give you a partial refill. I got fed up with my local pharmacy always running out, so I called around and found that the new Wal-Mart had it in stock, so I called my pharmacy and had them transfer my prescription to the Wal-Mart parmacy.

 

This Wal-Mart was fairly new, and was in a newly developed shopping area that I rarely visited. I drove to the shopping area, pulled into the parking lot, and walked into the store. I walked right up to the pharmacy, and asked for my prescription. They looked and said they didn't have it yet. I know they had gotten it because my old pharmacy had told me they called it over.

 

Getting irate, I began to raise my voice a bit, and insisted that my old pharmacy had called it over, and that I had called before I left the house, to make sure it was ready, and I was told it was.

 

The pharmacist apologized, and asked who I had spoken with. Getting more irate, I said that I didn't know, I don't take names when I call the pharmacy!

 

He asked me what the prescription was for and I told him, Fen-Phen. He said that they haven't had any Fen-Phen for over a week now. That sent me over the edge....I mean, I changed pharmacies because they said they had it, right?

 

Now I was on the verge of yelling...something I never do. The pharmacist said, "Are you sure you have the right pharmacy?"

 

I indignantly said, this is Lincoln Drive, isn't it?"

 

He said, "Yes it is."

 

I said, "This is Wal-Mart isn't it?"

 

He said, "No, this is K-Mart."

 

It's amazing the feelings that you have when you feel like everyone in the pharmacy is staring at you, thinking how much of an a$$hole you are. You just want to crawl into a hole and die.:eek:

 

The Wal-Mart was directly across the street from the K-Mart. Both signs are red, white and blue, and this was maybe the third time I had been in this shopping area. I was daydreaming when I drove up, so I ignored the sign and just went in, thinking that I was finally going to get my prescription filled. Man, you talk about being embarrassed.

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Hammer

I just got this e-mail, so I don't know if it's accurate or not. I guess it wouldn't be that hard to check out if you had the right connections. Anyway, I found it to be an interesting read. I just copied and pasted it here. I don't know whether to laugh about it or cry about it.:confused:

 

 

Guess what organization this is...

 

36 have been accused of spousal abuse

 

7 have been arrested for fraud

 

19 have been accused of writing bad checks

 

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

 

3 have done time for assault

 

71, repeat, 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

 

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

 

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

 

21 currently are defendants in lawsuits, and

 

84 have been arrested for drunk driving

in the last year.

 

 

Can you guess which organization this is?

 

 

 

Give up yet?

 

 

 

 

It's the 535 members of the

United States Congress

 

The same group of Idiots that crank out

hundreds of new laws each year

designed to keep the rest of us in line.

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plattb1
Barrie, that list was right on, especially number 2!

 

Loved your Wal-Mart/K-Mart story! We've all done stuff like that ... I can relate.;)

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Hammer

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

 

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "

 

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

 

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

 

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs......

 

" Your badge. Show him your BADGE ! "

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fgummett

The following is being transmitted around the Internet as an event that really took place, but it never happened. It is simply an old joke like those found in popular magazines:

Believe it or not...this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.

 

US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

 

CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

 

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

 

CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!

 

US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

 

CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

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Patriots62

A 60yr old man comes home in the afternoon and hears a noise in the bedroom. Angered with thoughts of what wrong his wife of the same age might be doing, he storms down the hall, throws open the bedroom door to find his wife....

 

Jumping up and down butt naked on the bed with a big grin on her face. Confused he says, "What the ****! Why are you jumping up and down the bed like a teenager??"

 

Wife stops jumping, with a big smile and standing on the bed and responds, "As was at the doctor today and he says my breasts are as firm as a teenagers! It made me so happy that I had to jump up and down in joy!"

 

Husband contemplates that for a second and then asks, "What did he say about your 60 year old ***?"

 

Wife thinks for a moment and says, "The doc didn't mention your name."

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