Jump to content
Diabetes forums
  • Welcome To Diabetes Forums!

    Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today to contribute and support the site.

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

prayingforacure

accepting reality

Recommended Posts

prayingforacure

My daughter was diagnosed last August and I am still struggling to accept it, I am worried that I will never accept the diagnosis, is this normal, are there other parents out there who feel the same way.I never let on to my daughter that I feel this way but when she is not around sometimes I let it get on top of me and get quite teary, and have become a bit of a homebody.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ant hill

How old is your daughter? My mom & dad felt the same as yourself and since that she has this now for say 9 months or so I think that you are doing quite well. It's only natural to feel sad and see that she comes home and see that she is well. It's a learning experience counting carbs, Injecting the basel and bolus for meals. She will learn over time and keep learning. ;):)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Great Survivor

I really feel for you & can only offer you my experience. It was a real crisis in my family when I was diagnosed as a teen & my parents really struggled to accept it as well. I think it was more of a psychological burden on them than it was for me in all honesty - they just worried that I wouldn't be able to cope with life as an adult & they imagined all sort of things going wrong. My parents decided that nobody should know that I have diabetes & for next 10 years or so, it was something no one ever really knew, not even our closest relatives. Though I certainly don't think it should be held a secret, I understood why my parents tried to protect me from other people's assumptions & pity. It was one of their coping mechanisms.

 

No parent would find it easy to accept their child having a lifelong condition and I really can empathise with you. It's normal to find it difficult to accept something that to a parent is inconceivable.

 

However now after more than 2 decades of leading a normal, active life, my mother rarely asks me now how my diabetes is, in the same concerned way she once used to. Everyone in the family knows that it's just something I have that I manage & that I lead a quite normal, active life in spite of it & am otherwise quite healthy. A lot of what they feared did not eventuate. Time really does have a healing influence.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
prayingforacure
How old is your daughter? My mom & dad felt the same as yourself and since that she has this now for say 9 months or so I think that you are doing quite well. It's only natural to feel sad and see that she comes home and see that she is well. It's a learning experience counting carbs, Injecting the basel and bolus for meals. She will learn over time and keep learning. ;):)

Thanks Peter, my daughter is 13yrs old and has adjusted so well to her diagnosis but I worry that she will crumble one day. I do'nt think I give her enough credit, she will probably just deal with it and get on with things. The other day when I asked her how she is feeling about everything she said"sometimes I start to feel sorry for myself and then I just think that hey what have I got to feel sorry for when there are kids out there who have it worse like cancer and things" I nearly started crying with pride that she was so grown up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
prayingforacure
I really feel for you & can only offer you my experience. It was a real crisis in my family when I was diagnosed as a teen & my parents really struggled to accept it as well. I think it was more of a psychological burden on them than it was for me in all honesty - they just worried that I wouldn't be able to cope with life as an adult & they imagined all sort of things going wrong. My parents decided that nobody should know that I have diabetes & for next 10 years or so, it was something no one ever really knew, not even our closest relatives. Though I certainly don't think it should be held a secret, I understood why my parents tried to protect me from other people's assumptions & pity. It was one of their coping mechanisms.

 

No parent would find it easy to accept their child having a lifelong condition and I really can empathise with you. It's normal to find it difficult to accept something that to a parent is inconceivable.

 

However now after more than 2 decades of leading a normal, active life, my mother rarely asks me now how my diabetes is, in the same concerned way she once used to. Everyone in the family knows that it's just something I have that I manage & that I lead a quite normal, active life in spite of it & am otherwise quite healthy. A lot of what they feared did not eventuate. Time really does have a healing influence.

 

Thank-you for your reply, I am hoping that my daughter will lead a normal, healthy life like yourself, well I am actually hoping for a cure in the next decade.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gladtobehere
My daughter was diagnosed last August and I am still struggling to accept it, I am worried that I will never accept the diagnosis, is this normal, are there other parents out there who feel the same way.I never let on to my daughter that I feel this way but when she is not around sometimes I let it get on top of me and get quite teary, and have become a bit of a homebody.

 

I don't have a child with diabetes so I can only speak about my personal acceptance. I was in denial for about 20 years.

 

So, I think your feeling are quite normal.

 

Eventually, for most people a change in mindset will occur,from saddness, guilt , why me? and denial to acceptance and the feeling of doing the best with what you have.

 

You may want to discuss your feelings with your daughter because she will certainly have some feelings on the topic. Possibly the same feelings as yours.

 

Remember this is about her and not you and all you can do is provide the support and love of a parent.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ant hill

That's the way to go!!! :D:D I see that she is at an age where she will get a grip about the disease as long that the constant use of insulin, Good foods, And exercise. Balance the three and you will enjoy life. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
matingara
I do'nt think I give her enough credit, she will probably just deal with it and get on with things. The other day when I asked her how she is feeling about everything she said"sometimes I start to feel sorry for myself and then I just think that hey what have I got to feel sorry for when there are kids out there who have it worse like cancer and things" I nearly started crying with pride that she was so grown up.

 

for what it is worth, this is my opinion. my opinions sometimes cause ripples - so feel free to disagree with me.

 

diabetes is not a disease and no one needs to feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with the problems of a whacky carbohydrate metabolism...

 

i have said this a lot. let;s say your daughter had a very pale complexion and got very easily sunburnt. you would make sure she took precautions, wore sun cream, stayed out of the sun etc.

 

diabetes is really not much different. i am a recent newcomer. diagnosed now for just 3 years. now that i "think" i have the hang of things, i spend about 5 minutes per day dealing with my diabetes. measuring my bgl, injecting insulin etc.

 

a lot of this is due to great advances in insulin and bgl meters etc. but the diabetes diagnosis these days is not as catastrophic as it was 30=40 years ago.

 

:)

 

-- joel.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
foxl

It is hard to accept any disability in a child.

 

I have a daughter with autism spectrum disorder, and a son with ADHD. Like you, I have no idea what the future holds for them. All we can do is our best for them, teach them our best, and wait, and see how they manage themselves.

 

You will come into acceptance, gradually. It will always be a challenge, but eventually less so.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
prayingforacure
It is hard to accept any disability in a child.

 

I have a daughter with autism spectrum disorder, and a son with ADHD. Like you, I have no idea what the future holds for them. All we can do is our best for them, teach them our best, and wait, and see how they manage themselves.

 

You will come into acceptance, gradually. It will always be a challenge, but eventually less so.

Hi Linda, I now know what you mean with the lets teach them and give them the skills[hopefully] to deal with this but I always ignorantly thought that I would not have to help my child deal with a "difficult health problem".I was so blissfully ignorant to the everyday difficulties that people, especially children face. When my daughter was admitted to the childrens hospital I was traumatised, I could'nt wait to get her out of there, I did;nt want to see the suffering that these children and there parents were going thru. I was a believer in a higher power, thinking that "he" would not give me a child with health difficulties because I am "NOT STRONG" shall we say. I struggled at first with the diagnosis but I will make sure that my daughter will know that there is no obstacle with her diabetes and she can do anything, she will be alot stronger that I ever will be.SHE ALLREADY IS.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Cora

I'll take a moment to agree and disagree with a couple of other posters and then make some comments.

 

First, diabetes is a disease. I found a good definition that covers it: an impairment of health OR a condition of abnormal functioning. But what it is NOT, is a disability. While I have had some problems in the last 10 years or so (after over 30 years of diabetes) my diabetes has never stopped me from doing anything that I've set my mind to do. So in addition to not showing how worried you are about your child, don't forget to offer the reminder that diabetes is not a stopping block.

 

Your daughter sounds wonderfully mature, but don't forget that she is still a child. While you want her to know how to take care of herself, always (even once she becomes an adult) offer to help take care of her. Offer to do her injection if she wants a break. Do the carb counting and calculating. Take the burden for a while. My parents did that for me and I'll always appreciate it. Diabetes is something that many adults don't handle well, so always feel free to take the weight off her shoulders.

 

Cora

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
matingara
I'll take a moment to agree and disagree with a couple of other posters and then make some comments.

 

First, diabetes is a disease.

Cora

 

yes. according to the dictionary definition you are correct.

 

the problem is that the media that most of the world seems addicted to redefines the meanings of words so that they are used incorrectly.

 

for example, i describe myself as a generally gay person. however, i am also 100% heterosexual. therefore, to use the dictionary definition of the word "gay" may be to my detriment because it has been "hijacked" by the popular modern media.

 

the word "disease" has similarly been morphed to mean "sick".

 

people with diabetes can generally avoid getting "sick" if they keep their BGLs under control.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Cora
yes. according to the dictionary definition you are correct.

 

the problem is that the media that most of the world seems addicted to redefines the meanings of words so that they are used incorrectly.

 

for example, i describe myself as a generally gay person. however, i am also 100% heterosexual. therefore, to use the dictionary definition of the word "gay" may be to my detriment because it has been "hijacked" by the popular modern media.

 

the word "disease" has similarly been morphed to mean "sick".

 

people with diabetes can generally avoid getting "sick" if they keep their BGLs under control.

 

 

 

You're absolutely right. I just hate that people think that because you have a disease means you are "sick". Even my own aunt considers me more "sick" than her daughter with asthma. She was talking to me about all the times that I was in the hospital as a kid. She was shocked to discover that I was never in the hospital as a kid, unlike her daughter that was in and out about every month or two.

 

Cora

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Joeprep4820

I was diagnosed at age 2. My parents weren't happy, but they had to accept reality I suppose. The thing they did that most parents don't is getting me in control of my diabetes as soon as possible. It's not a bad condition to have, there are those that have it much, much worse. Especially in today's age, you should not worry as much. As long as your child is responsible and you're a good parent, all should be well. Just don't inhibit your child in any way, or embarrass them, or tell all her friends' parents and teachers and friends what they have; let them break the news, sort to speak. Also, and I speak from experience, DON'T blame your child for having diabetes; unless it's Type II, and in rare occurrences at that, it is not their fault.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Delphinus

As you may have seen me mention before, not only do I have Type 1, but my father is a T1, as was his mom, and my daughter is also a Type 1.

 

She was diagnosed at six years old and is currently thirteen.

 

She is also a member here.

 

If you have any questions about dealing with this as a parent, and not just as another diabetic, shout.

 

Take care...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mich

Dear PrayingForACure,

 

Not to get into a discussion of the dictionary meaning of disease, but I tend to feel the same way as Joel.

 

I had just turned 13 when I was diagnosed. It was very hard on my mom. She was the type who din't even like to see blood and she angsted over how I would ever grow up in a healthy way. I remember worrying about her, but she somehow kept a brave face on and began to follow my lead.

 

I had a kid's terrified fascination with diabetes and soon got the hang of being in charge of my own care. I didn't like being ddifferent from the other kids, but they treated me just the same as before my diagnosis, and so I felt accepted. My mom learned to step back when she saw I was doing things correctly--as correctely as possible in the days without meters.

 

That was over 50 years ago. I'm in the middle of a long and happy life. I've had health ups and downs, just like most people but I've never allowed myself to feel like I had "a disease." I just have part of me that doesn't work--and I was lucky enough to be born when they could do something about it.

 

Give your daughter training, trust, love and freedom and she will make mostly good choices. When she doesn't help her get on the right track again. I think all of us learn by making mistakes.

 

Here's a big hug for you. You have a hard job being mom to a kid with diabetes, but she will do fine. And believe me, many of us who were diagnosed at a young age have utmost respect for you.

 

My very best,

Mich

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
HollyB

Hi there,

 

I'm sorry to jump in so late -- I seem, 5 years after my son's diagnosis, not to need to cruise diabetes forums quite so much.

 

I wanted to offer you some reassurance -- my son was diagnosed at 13 also, and like your daughter, took it in stride with so much grace it took my breath away. But it is so hard to think of your precious child having to carry this burden forever.

 

He's 18 now and about to head off to college in the fall. Is that going to be an even harder-than-usual goodbye for me? Oh yeah. But mostly, diabetes has become a matter-of-fact reality in his and our lives. Honestly, he sees it as a pain in the butt, rather than a trauma. There are ups and downs but overall he is a happy, busy, healthy young man.

 

That said, I heard a radio show about a program at a children's hospital yesterday and got thinking about when he was diagnosed. Next thing I knew I was all teary and choked up. I think that's just the reality of being a mom.

 

I would like to second the tip to offer practical support for your daughter -- through the teens you have a delicate role as supporter rather than manager of her illness, but teens do sometimes need a lot of support. With Aaron, I did a lot of the annoying log keeping (so NOT a teen boy thing), kept on top of his supplies, helped him remember what to take/pack/check, and we worked together to adjust his doses when things got out of whack. Your daughter might need more, less or different help -- you'll figure it out together.

 

Hang in there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
kindredsgirl

I hope things are going a lot better for you these days. My 11 year old son was just diagnosed 3 weeks ago, and I can really relate to your experience. He seems ok, is doing really well, giving himself shots and understanding and accepting what he needs to do to be healthy. I have been struggling with the grieving process though, and so has his dad. . . . the sadness of it hits me periodically. My hope is that the sad moments will be less and less frequent as time passes.

 

Take care,

 

Laura

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ant hill
My 11 year old son was just diagnosed 3 weeks ago, and I can really relate to your experience.

 

I am sorry Laura as I have had this at his age too and there's the teenage years to look at too as this will test him. My advise is to test often and act accordingly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
darion44

I don't mean to be the one giving bad news but, @least 4me, I am a very strong person. It takes alot 2brake me down. Diabetes dosen;'t really brake me but whn it does, i am down. After a wile if she's like me, she's going to get tired.

Cing that I am in really gd control since comming off of the mix, i don't think it will brake me anytime soon. But when it does, she's not going want 2take insulin,shots or exercise.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
nikole95.7
Hidden
I was diagnosed at age 2. My parents weren't happy, but they had to accept reality I suppose. The thing they did that most parents don't is getting me in control of my diabetes as soon as possible. It's not a bad condition to have, there are those that have it much, much worse. Especially in today's age, you should not worry as much. As long as your child is responsible and you're a good parent, all should be well. Just don't inhibit your child in any way, or embarrass them, or tell all her friends' parents and teachers and friends what they have; let them break the news, sort to speak. Also, and I speak from experience, DON'T blame your child for having diabetes; unless it's Type II, and in rare occurrences at that, it is not their fault.

 

As you may have seen me mention before, not only do I have Type 1, but my father is a T1, as was his mom, and my daughter is also a Type 1.

\

 

 

 

______________________

cheap ps3 games

downloadable ps3 games

Share this post


Link to post
moonfairy

My daughter is 11 now. She was diagnosed in June of 2009. She has her good days and bad days just like any other little girl. It is hard to handle for a parent because you can't just fix her. Hang in there. Kids are so strong.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.