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Faerie

Pregnancy

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Faerie

Hi. I want to know whether any of you guys (sorry, gals) with type 1 diabetes have had children and being diabetic or whether any of you are thinking of becoming pregnant. I'm thinking very seriously about it, but I've only heard horror stories. Some info would be great! :help:

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Willow

Hello Faerie

 

I'm type 1 & my husband & I are hoping to start 'trying' later this year. It is scary thinking about it & worrying that everything will be okay. I remember reading posts a while back on pregnancy/birth which you should be able to find using the search function - happy reading!

 

All the best.

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Cinnabon

YES it is very scary to think about. I remember asking one of my doctors how risky could it be for a diabetic woman to have children. he simply said, "Diabetic women are sterile"

I walked out of his office and never went back. My next doctor informed me well and assured me that as long as there was tight control & good prenatal care, I was just like any other woman wanting a child. Here I am, 11 yrs later with a beautiful healthy daughter.

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Faerie

Thanks guys. The doctors here in South africa seem to be a little more conventional than overseas. I'm only 19 but I want to become pregnant as soon as possible. Hope you're all doing well.

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Middle Aged Man
Thanks guys. The doctors here in South africa seem to be a little more conventional than overseas. I'm only 19 but I want to become pregnant as soon as possible. Hope you're all doing well.

 

 

Would you be offended if I asked why? I have a 19 year old daughter and the thought of her becoming pregnant this early in her life frightens me. I'm just wondering why someone would be so eager to be a parent. I had my oldest when I was 23 and my youngest when I was 42. I can tell you, it's a lot more enjoyable later in life. So much less stress to deal with, and so much more ability to enjoy your time with the baby.

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duck
Would you be offended if I asked why? I have a 19 year old daughter and the thought of her becoming pregnant this early in her life frightens me. I'm just wondering why someone would be so eager to be a parent. I had my oldest when I was 23 and my youngest when I was 42. I can tell you, it's a lot more enjoyable later in life. So much less stress to deal with, and so much more ability to enjoy your time with the baby.

 

Wow, I appreciate your insight into this...We had our kid when I was 30, and I often find myself wishing I had my kid when I was younger, maybe 23-27...The few years would mean that now I would have a kid who is at least 3-4 years old, and probably another. I worry about this disease and the toll it can take on me, and I am sure you can understand the desire to be around later in life for your kids.

 

Anyway, it is interesting to hear you say it is easier when you are older. I think sometimes I wish I had the energy of a twenty-something again, LOL.

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Middle Aged Man
Wow, I appreciate your insight into this...We had our kid when I was 30, and I often find myself wishing I had my kid when I was younger, maybe 23-27...The few years would mean that now I would have a kid who is at least 3-4 years old, and probably another. I worry about this disease and the toll it can take on me, and I am sure you can understand the desire to be around later in life for your kids.

 

Anyway, it is interesting to hear you say it is easier when you are older. I think sometimes I wish I had the energy of a twenty-something again, LOL.

 

Having done it both ways, I'll tell you the difference.

 

When you are young and have the children, you do have more energy. You are also learning to balance a new family, save money for a home, balance all the bills, handle the lowest income of your married life, come to grips with all the new responsibilities you face, learn to deal with your marriage, balance time with all the extended family, and secure your professional reputation and job security. All those stressors add to the stressors induced by having a child at that young age.

 

Since you have been through a few decades like me, as you age, you change a lot. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. You no longer insist that things be right, but you choose your fights more carefully. You can tell when you are being bamboozled by a phony expert, or given the runaround by a lazy teacher or doctor or administrator. You know your rights, your responsibilities, and your limitations. You also have managed to come to terms with your roles in your job, family, and have likely saved enough that you have your home and the ability to add a child without major impact to your stress or finances. Instead of each choice being a new issue, you are at peace with much of life's concerns, and can make a fairer and more rapid assessment of the right things for your family and your child.

 

So, having a baby in the house at 43, I feel very relaxed. Yes, I've been there before, but I'm not nervous about whether the car is good enough . . . whether my job will hold me another year or three . . . whether I can afford to provide my child an education or good car seat. Instead, we look into what is best for him, make a decision, and move forward. We knew so much more going into this, and find it much, much simpler to handle.

 

I honestly wish I'd waited to have all my kids. But then I wouldn't have the great ones I already have.

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Faerie
Would you be offended if I asked why? I have a 19 year old daughter and the thought of her becoming pregnant this early in her life frightens me. I'm just wondering why someone would be so eager to be a parent. I had my oldest when I was 23 and my youngest when I was 42. I can tell you, it's a lot more enjoyable later in life. So much less stress to deal with, and so much more ability to enjoy your time with the baby.

 

Hi. I understand your response. I know 19 seems very young, but I am eager to have kids for the following reasons: -As I am a diabetic I don't know how long I'll be around, even though my sugar is under sontrol. I'm engaged and plan on getting married soon, and I cannot leave my fance with nothing to remember me by. Surely you can understand that I'm scared to wait until it might be too late? -I think most people wait to become pregnant until they are financially independant or at least their spouse is. I'm well off, and can definitely afford too have children. Do you agree with me that this is the reason why MOST people wait until later?

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Middle Aged Man
Hi. I understand your response. I know 19 seems very young, but I am eager to have kids for the following reasons: -As I am a diabetic I don't know how long I'll be around, even though my sugar is under sontrol. I'm engaged and plan on getting married soon, and I cannot leave my fance with nothing to remember me by. Surely you can understand that I'm scared to wait until it might be too late? -I think most people wait to become pregnant until they are financially independant or at least their spouse is. I'm well off, and can definitely afford too have children. Do you agree with me that this is the reason why MOST people wait until later?

 

I'll speak as a dad to a girl your age, and I hope you have a good relationship with your own parents and can speak to them. If you're well off, then that should take a lot of stress off you, but why do you believe you won't be around long? You have a disorder . . . not a death sentence.

 

But let's assume your comment is real, and that you do have some incredible time limit to your life. Is your fiance' prepared to raise a baby by himself? I've been a single parent for a prolonged period to two girls, and I will tell you that it is VERY difficult to manage. It also is a great hardship on the child/children to have only one parent.

 

I'd ask you to seriously rethink your logic. Are you certain you are not long for this world? Why? Because of a diabetic condition already under control? (Remember, this disease only progresses if you fail to control it.) What are your motives to have the child so early in life? It sounds like you've made a decision based on your life, but what about your fiance's life, or your baby's life? If you die, their lives will be the ones impacted the most by your personal decision. Is this the right situation for them?

 

I hope you have found a loving relationship with your fiance', and that marriage will be a great thing for you both. However, a loving relationship is every bit as alive and a part of your lives as anything or anyone else, and the time and love you share is something you will always remember. You don't need a baby to be remembered. The motivation for having a baby should be that you both are ready to raise a child and wish to do so. If you're not even married yet, then do you really want to restrict the beginning years of your married life with the burdens and restrictions that accompany having a baby? It's a wonderful thing to do, but it will restrict your ability to travel, engage in social events, or even stay up at night.

 

I don't know the details of your situation at all, but as a dad of a daughter your age, I can tell you that I'd be having long talks with my daughter if she told me the same. A baby should never be planned for selfish motives, but for selfless ones. Please, before you take that step and do become pregnant, be sure that you've talked to the people who will be affected and ask their advice. Please also talk to your doctor. If you see yourself as dying an early death from diabetes, then someone has unnecessarily frightened you, and getting some clarity may help you plan a happier life for you and your planned new family.

 

I hope that was what you asked for. I don't mean to meddle, but I do wish a great life for you and your baby and your family.

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camjen1

I had my first baby at age 17 (now where is that bitting the nails emoticon) and and it was hard. He was 10lbs and 14oz when he was born and 1 1/2 years later I was diagnosed with diabetes. I had the pump throughout my last pregnancy and maintained pretty good numbers but it still left me with a 10lb 5 oz baby girl. I don't know how they do things where your from but when I was pregnant I had a DR's visit 2 times a week from 12 weeks and on at a hospital an hour and half from my home. I was a planned c-section at 38 weeks. I wish you luck in your decision. :elefant:

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gettingby

Ok gotta chime in here.

I was 19 when I had my daughter. I did not have tight control of my diabetes.

I had a scheduled c-section at 38 weeks. My daughter was huge. 11 lbs. 12 1/2 oz. I also experienced quite a few lows that required ER visits.

Sorry to give you another horror story but it's stuff you need to know.

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camjen1

My daughter was huge. 11 lbs. 12 1/2 oz.

 

:afraid: Did they know you were having a big one and that is why you had a c-section? I was forced to give birth the normal way (sorry didn't want to say the female part) which led to many complications after the birth. After that experience they took me by c-section the next time.

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KickStart101

Hi Faerie: :) Nice to meet you. Well, my, my, if my 19 yr. old was talking about having a Baby now, her Father and I would sure be having something to say about it. She is getting her College out of the way first and her boy-

friend has 4 yrs. of University yet, so they won't be wed until they are done with that and they are okay with it. Things may change in a couple yrs., who

knows. Sure if you are financially secure now, that's Great that you won't be stressed out about bills. But I would suggest that you wait a year, make sure

that your relationship is well-grounded(that is the foundation after all). Then get married go to your parties, go travelling to the places you's want to see and have a life with just the 2 of you(actually you's can do most of that now). Then if you are both ready have lots of Kids. After you have one, there will most likely be more, and I tell ya if you put your heart and soul into them, they will suck the life right outta you (figuratively speaking, actually I

was exhausted for the last 18 yrs. :sleep: ), but you'll feel Good that you did. The past several yrs. they've been working and doing all their own stuff so I'm enjoying relaxing alot more.

We were married when we were 21 yrs., we worked for yrs. I had my Boy at age 23 and my Girl at age 27. I am glad I had them back then since i did have more energy during those first about 8 yrs. Yippee! No more making sure they do their homework, or parent/teacher meetings, all their little friends running in and out wrecking the place(the past several yrs. their big friends and still now come running back and forth, wrecking the place, but now they clean up their mess, and no more those dang lunches, etc., etc..

Now I'm just waiting for my Son to give me a Grandchild in the next 2 yrs. so I can spoil it and send it on home with them. :D

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Faerie

I thought long and hard about what all of you said. Firstly, I want to ask a huge favour - this is only for some of you - please don;t attack me and be so aggressive, I was asking for opinions, not criticism. Some of you obviously think that because I'm 19, I don't have brains, knowledge, experience, maturity etc. Please, you don't know me. As for the comments about what my parents should do, say, should react blah blah blah - I DON'T HAVE PARENTS, I DONT HAVE FAMILY. I'll be honest, I inherited a large amount of money, which I received when I was 18, six years after my parents died. I have not touched the money since I rev\ceived it, except to pay for my second year of studies and paying my tuition fees for Law School next year.

 

I understand 100% where you are coming from, I realise that you are probably right, but I have no-one in this world except my fiance. I did not expect to get this kind of reaction from people. I'm not like any other 19 year old, I don't want to party and drink and go out etc. I want to relax and have a quiet life, one that is meaningful. I'm a good person, and having a baby is the most important thing to me.

 

But thanks for giving me some things to think about. :mad:

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duck

I didn't think anyone was attacking you, but text has a way of being "meaner" than intended. I always apply the "Donald Duck" voice to emails and forum postings when I wonder if the intent was mean or attacking--if it sounds mean with Donald's voice, then it is, LOL.

 

Faerie, I think you are brave to even consider having a child at 19--I look back and I was a DUMB 19 year old, any kid of mine then would have been in deep doo-doo. Heck, there are some who say I am a dumb 32 year old, so...But as far as your diabetes, it can be done, obviously. It will require intense attention, lots of testing and checking in with your healthcare team. Most of the onus will be on you, but IT CAN BE DONE. Just like any big decision, take your time.

 

I'll add this last bit: I had some older lady give me advice when I was about 25 about having kids--She said to wait later in life, because she had kids reeeeeal young (I think at about your age), and she felt that she missed out on things like travel, fun getaways, etc., that you just can't enjoy when you are older/after the kids move out. Now that I have a kid, I am not sure she is right, but she does have a point in that you give up a lot of freedom. Also, the grass is always greener on the other side, if she had kids later she probably may have thought differently.

 

Anyway, my wife and I are pondering having a second, so you and I are sorta in the same boat. Again, consider it carefully! And good luck with it and let us know what you decide!

 

:smile:

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camjen1

I don't think anyone here intentinally attacked you, they just gave you what you were looking for, ADVICE!! I personally could careless if you chose to be a parent at age 19 but believe me if you asked for some advice I would give you an earfull. I'm not one to party nor drink but after I had my son I realized the damage I had done. For the first point in my life it wasn't all about me anymore. I'm currently enrolled as a student but let me tell you the program I'm going for was supposed to be only 2 years but by time I'm done it will be 5 years. I can't even begin to tell you when the last time I treated myself to something or even went out. My relationship fell apart after the man realized this was for life and we weren't just babysitting.

 

I know it might seem harsh but that is the facts of life. When a new baby comes along be prepared for a huge adjustment and keep in mind that you cannot act the way you did before. You will not be able to get up when you want to, you won't be able to go out when you want to. Now you have the issues of childcare and trying to find a schedule that will work for the baby.

 

Far as my relationship goes I had a perfect one before giving birth. I was with the man forever but people change once kids are involved. We obviously couldn't go the places we wanted to and I'm not talking about bars or partying. It was a simple movie we couldn't go to. If such an event was to take place he would talk to me as if it wasn't his kid and I needed to find a sitter. The time spent alone with him was cut drastically and he decided to find a relationship with a woman who had no kids. I am not saying thats what they all do but that is something that can happen.

 

I know its an earfull but this is only meant to be helpful. Please don't think anyone is trying to hurt you here on this forum as we are a very helpful bunch when we all come together.

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Harold

Many people have put off having children in the name of becoming more secure, mature, or to establish careers only to find out later that something along the way happened and now they can not have any. My take on this is if your ready, go for it. You may later decide you wish you had waited, but at least you won't regret not having any. I will also add finish Law school even if you get married and have children. There is meaning to life without children, and after children have left the nest and your education will help you accomplish this. I have seen too many people go down hill after their children leave and go out on their own, because they don't know what to do with themselves.

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Middle Aged Man
I thought long and hard about what all of you said. Firstly, I want to ask a huge favour - this is only for some of you - please don;t attack me and be so aggressive, I was asking for opinions, not criticism. Some of you obviously think that because I'm 19, I don't have brains, knowledge, experience, maturity etc. Please, you don't know me. As for the comments about what my parents should do, say, should react blah blah blah - I DON'T HAVE PARENTS, I DONT HAVE FAMILY. I'll be honest, I inherited a large amount of money, which I received when I was 18, six years after my parents died. I have not touched the money since I rev\ceived it, except to pay for my second year of studies and paying my tuition fees for Law School next year.

 

I understand 100% where you are coming from, I realise that you are probably right, but I have no-one in this world except my fiance. I did not expect to get this kind of reaction from people. I'm not like any other 19 year old, I don't want to party and drink and go out etc. I want to relax and have a quiet life, one that is meaningful. I'm a good person, and having a baby is the most important thing to me.

 

But thanks for giving me some things to think about. :mad:

 

I hope you didn't feel that I attacked you, and I really didn't see any post that seemed to do so. We don't know your life. We do, however, know our own. You also are in a different nation from most of us, with different customs and attitudes. We can only speak from our cultures and experience.

 

I remember thinking myself a mature 19 year old. My 19 year old daughter regularly tells me the same thing about herself. What is odd being older and looking back is realizing all the things that we had no way of knowing at age 19. The world around me at age 43 (today) is so very much different than the one I had at age 19. I have changed, grown, and become more able to deal with this world on comfortable terms. That's part of aging. Also, any child benefits greatly from having a calm and capable parent.

 

I am sorry for the hard times you have been through, and I am glad you have someone special. I hope you do speak with him as you contemplate these decisions. I also hope you grow that love thoroughly and ensure that you are fully ready for a child . . . financially, emotionally, and logistically (ie, with your schedules and availability) before you have that child. Not said to be mean, but said out of love and compassion for a girl so much like my own daughter.

 

Faerie, everything I have said to you was what I would have said to my own daughter out of the love I hold for her. But I would have told her one other thing. I'd still love her no matter what she decided, but I will always want what is best for her and her family. I don't know you the way I know her, nor do I know your history the way I know hers, but I do know what I have seen in life. And I do know that I wish you, your fiance, and your baby . . . whenever you have him . . . every happiness.

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gettingby
:afraid: Did they know you were having a big one and that is why you had a c-section? I was forced to give birth the normal way (sorry didn't want to say the female part) which led to many complications after the birth. After that experience they took me by c-section the next time.

At first they really only thought she would be around 8lbs. Sorry guys, but I'm built rather small and he thought the chances of me pushing out an 8lb'er without complications was just too risky. My sister and I are built the same and he delivered her last one (9lbs. 11oz.) by c-section after she languished in a bad labor for over 12 hours !!!!!! BTW, she's not diabetic, he was just a big boy (her daughter was almost 8lbs and she was a natural birth but very hard).

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soremom

Faerie, I have two boys. My first I developed gestational diabetes, so everything I learned was very quick and didn't last very long. Went back to normal after I had him. Eight months later, the symptoms came back and was diagnosed T1. We decided no more kids, wasn't fair not to be here for my first if I developed complications.

 

After getting a good doctor and talking with her, I realized with tight control I could have another baby. Just because you are healthy doesn't guarantee a problem free pregnancy, I found that out the first time.

 

So we had another, almost 10 years later. I was 23 the first, 33 the second. I don't regret either. I had some problems with both. Both came early 1st 18 days, 2nd 4 weeks. Both are fine and healthy, we I don't beat them for fighting with each other, lol.

 

I would suggest 1) talk with your partner about what is involved in a pregnancy. It is alot of work and having help makes it so much easier. See how he feels about all this. It is his life also and knowing his feelings is easier later. 2) You may want to wait till after you are married and go through an adjustment period. It can be difficult getting used to each others habits. If you are already living together and know each other habits, then do what is best for both of you.

 

I wish you luck with both your marriage and having children. Both change your life forever, but I would have my life no other way.

 

Kim

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