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GrnEyes84

No more Zahne

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timh33

Holly so sorry to hear about your loss .I know that words could never make the pain go away ,But my wife and I send all our prayers to you and your family .

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GAgirl

Thoughts and prayers with you, your family, and hoping you will heal in time to try again. My cousin also lost a baby boy and she went on to have 3 more children.

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GrnEyes84

Thank you everyone. This isn't going to be easy at all. I am so lost right now and just dont know what to do. I wish I would've got second opinions when they said i needed the cerclage. Everything would probably still be fine right now if I hadn't had one put in. I wish I could go back and change things. It's too late now though. The docs are the ones that messed everything up. They the ones that punctured the sac and why all of this happened, if they wouldve just left it alone everything would still be going as planned

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Diabetes forums

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jwags

When I lost my little boy I was at 37 weeks. I blamed everyone and even myself. I think that is natural. You are going to feel lost and wonder if you had done things differently would there have been a different outcome. The middle of the night was the worst for me. Even when I got pregnant again I still thought about the baby I lost every moment. He was a big part of your life and will always be. I went on to have 3 more very healthy babies to complete my family. Don't ever blame yourself for having the procedure.

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Jan B

A counselor would say to do your best to not ask what if type questions. However, it's so very natural to ask those questions. Then again, there is no going backwards. With a shortened and/or weak cervix, your body was already/likely attempting to miscarry. Miscarriages tend to be nature's way of saying the baby and your pregnancy wasn't going to be ok. Your doctors tried to stop this from happening, but didn't help. There is a good chance that even without the cerclage, you wouldn't have carried your baby much longer. Nature can definitely be cruel. You were also a high risk mom, and the risks hurt you. It's also possible that you, yourself, might not have made it through a complete pregnancy.

 

My baby was born with severe heart defects that ended up taking his life before he was 6 months old. I'm always crossing my fingers and holding my breath when any Type 1 mom gets pregnant. We are always considered "high risk", but fortunately most T1s we see here on DF go on to deliver a healthy baby. I know of a T1 man who used to be on here, who had a baby born with spina bifida - another birth defect more common with a T1 parent.

 

Your precious son may have had problems brewing in his little body that caused him to pass on early. Unfortunately we cannot see into the future or know the answers. We can only guess most of the time.

 

My heart breaks for you, because I know that 1000 words, even put together right, aren't going to help much. The best any of us can do is try to express how much we care and want things to be ok for you. You have been heavy on my mind, and I am glad to know you have faith in God. You may even feel that God has failed you, or even that He isn't the kind of God you had hoped He would be. This is something that sure can test your faith. Just take things one day at a time. Easy does it. I am still wishing you comfort and hoping you can have a dream of little bitty Zahne saying, mom, it's ok - thank you for your love - I love you and want you to be ok.

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moneymeister

I am so sorry for your loss. years ago I lost a baby too. I don't know if this will help or not, but my dad (a biologist) told me something that helped me.

Half of all pregnancies end in miscarriage...because our bodies know that the baby has an issue that would prevent it from being healthy. Often the mom never knows she was pregnant. I doubt this makes things easier, but please know you are not alone. After my miscarriage, I went on to have two beautiful kids, now adults. You are in my prayers and I am so sorry you have had to go through this.

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jwags
I am so sorry for your loss. years ago I lost a baby too. I don't know if this will help or not, but my dad (a biologist) told me something that helped me.

Half of all pregnancies end in miscarriage...because our bodies know that the baby has an issue that would prevent it from being healthy. Often the mom never knows she was pregnant. I doubt this makes things easier, but please know you are not alone. After my miscarriage, I went on to have two beautiful kids, now adults. You are in my prayers and I am so sorry you have had to go through this.

 

Very few women talk about the babies they have lost. Once you start talking about your loss it is amazing how many women will share their loss. It happens a lot more than you think, but our society doesn't talk about it openly. My doctor told me the same thing.

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Jan B
Very few women talk about the babies they have lost. Once you start talking about your loss it is amazing how many women will share their loss. It happens a lot more than you think, but our society doesn't talk about it openly. My doctor told me the same thing.

 

If we talk about it, it often makes people uncomfortable to face what a real possibility it is, and/or they don't know what to say. Only very old people are supposed to die, right? We are expected to let it go; to pretend it didn't really happen. Frequently, close family members don't want to talk about it, wrongly thinking it will hurt the one who suffered the loss. Usually, we welcome the idea that others haven't forgotten or dismissed our child. Plus, when it's a baby, a lot of people seem to discount the level of loss. Sharing feels good - instead of misery loving company, it's more that we feel less alone and less singled out as one who had such a sad thing happen. The circle of life moves on and most of us wish, and even pretend, that only the living part of that circle exists, and the only people who die are very old. Hugs all around, and especially to Holly right now.

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GrammaBear
If we talk about it, it often makes people uncomfortable to face what a real possibility it is, and/or they don't know what to say. Only very old people are supposed to die, right? We are expected to let it go; to pretend it didn't really happen. Frequently, close family members don't want to talk about it, wrongly thinking it will hurt the one who suffered the loss. Usually, we welcome the idea that others haven't forgotten or dismissed our child. Plus, when it's a baby, a lot of people seem to discount the level of loss. Sharing feels good - instead of misery loving company, it's more that we feel less alone and less singled out as one who had such a sad thing happen. The circle of life moves on and most of us wish, and even pretend, that only the living part of that circle exists, and the only people who die are very old. Hugs all around, and especially to Holly right now.

 

I have not lost a child but I know people who have. Thank you to those of you who have shared your loss with forum members. I am one of those people who never knows the right thing to say to someone who has suffered a loss.

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jwags

It is difficult to find the words and all I wanted to know when it happened was that people cared. I did want to talk about it and try to rationalize why it happened. But people do feel uncomfortable. My MIL tried to erase all sign of baby clothes, cribs and all the baby stuff I had accumulated. She put it all in her car and took it to Her house in NY. I didn't want to forget and even though had other children I still honor the son I lost. Every house we have lived in I plant a special tree for my son in heaven. My way of remembering.

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GrammaBear
It is difficult to find the words and all I wanted to know when it happened was that people cared. I did want to talk about it and try to rationalize why it happened. But people do feel uncomfortable. My MIL tried to erase all sign of baby clothes, cribs and all the baby stuff I had accumulated. She put it all in her car and took it to Her house in NY. I didn't want to forget and even though had other children I still honor the son I lost. Every house we have lived in I plant a special tree for my son in heaven. My way of remembering.

 

What a beautiful way to remember the loss of a child by planting a tree.

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adiantum

It is a nice memorial.

 

I have a white dove ornament hanging in a tree out from my kitchen window which is in memory of a baby that didn't make it .

 

When I bought my house, an old neighbour told me the original owner had planted the Camellia in the garden ' in memory' of his brother who also lived here. All these years later, I still consider it to be a memorial & cant remove it.

 

I'm hoping one day Holly will find peace in the memory of Zahne.

 

What a beautiful way to remember the loss of a child by planting a tree.

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mjrc64

I am so very sorry for your loss. How heart breaking. I have no words other than I will pray for you to find peace and comfort someday.

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