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Captain Diabetes

How to get family members to understand what you need.

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Captain Diabetes

So here is the deal, my wife and 11 year old daughter have been amazing for the last year after my diagnosis.  We are trying to do this completely with diet and they have changed with me.  I can't begin to tell them how much that means.  That being said, my problem is with my side of the family.    Particularly my Mom.  When we travel to their house for a visit we usually eat lunch there, and I have explained to them that I am eating as small of an amount of carbs as possible.  I'm from the south which means we eat cream corn, mac and cheese, dumplings, rolls, cornbread, beans (green or pinto), fried apples, and some type of meat at every meal.  I told my Mom to not change the way she cooks as everyone else shouldn't suffer, but to try to have some raw vegetables and maybe even a side salad that I can eat so I can avoid the carbs.  However, she gets on line and reads Facebook and fixes every recipe that every diabetic on Facebook says they can eat.  She makes all kinds of desserts that are all "no sugar" desserts even though I have repeatedly told her that my doctor has told me to avoid eating anything with sugar or sugar substitutes.  Me and my wife now bring all of the vegetables and things that I am willing to eat to keep my sugar down.  I have no problem doing this as it keeps from adding anything extra onto her, but I can tell every time I tell her no to whatever Facebook concoction she has made it is really hurting her feelings. I have told her and my Dad both that if there is anyway possible to stay off of medication with diet and exercise then that is the way I am going to go.  I just can't seem to make her understand that I don't have to eat dessert ever again and that I am perfectly happy sticking to a strict diet to keep this under control. Any advice on how to get through to her?

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adiantum

Whilst I admire you for embracing a low carb diet I dont like to feel deprived over festive occasions.

I dont think sugar substitutes will cause your BG grief.

Of course that depends on which brand she uses & I'd still do a blood check to gauge your tolerance.

 

You could really shock mum & eat a tub of sour cream with vanilla. Its yummy .

I might try it with rum or brandy these holidays. I love a Brandy Alexander so it should work.

Enjoy the holiday season Captain.

 

 

 

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Kit

I have similar issues with family members and it sounds like you are already doing what you can do and what I currently do.

 

If you are worried about hurting her feeling, think about how she is hurting your feelings by being unwilling to listen to you about your requirements.  Not only think about that, but say that while you appreciate the effort she puts in, there is a LOT of bad information out there.  And her ignoring what you tell her very much hurts your feelings.

 

 

 

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Kenton

I'm from the south too. ANd we too ate a lot of carby, fried and smoked foods growing up.  And a meal was not right if there was no bread or biscuits.  There are other foods you can eat like Collard Greens and ham or just plain collard greens with a little jalapeno thrown in , fried pork and cabbage  or just fry the cabbage alone and add some pepper and malt vinegar ( or apple vinegar) , grilled squash.  boiled cabbage palm hearts ( yum !! ) .

We experiment and found we like cedar plank grilling. Not just salmon but other fish too and chicken and pork do well on cedar. I like to make a bed of rosemary and place the fish on it and dribble a little bit of key lime juice on as they cook. I imagine Rosemary grows year round where you live too, maybe not key lime but any sour citrus will do. I grill lots of veggies, asparagus is always good on the grill and green beans too. Green  tomatoes grill up nicely, as does baby zucchini.

Experiment, otherwise you will tire of the diet.  Tonight we are going to try searing brussel sprouts in toasted sesame oil with grouper. Should be interesting

We grew the sprouts green onions and parsley and I caught the grouper so this is a free meal other than the toasted oil..

 

 

 

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Kit

Oh, and you want to change some of your wording.

 

Don't tell her to not change her style of coking because others will "suffer".  Saying that implies that you are suffering.  And just about any mother out there will make attempts to keep her child from suffering.

 

Instead say she doesn't need to change her style of cooking as others don't need to adjust their diets just because of you.

 

Oh, and not having pie, mashed potatoes or similar isn't deprivation.  Not having anything to eat at all is deprivation.  Choosing not to eat those things is exactly that, a choice and totally a mental state.  not deprivation.

 

@Kenton I'd love to hear how those brussels sprouts turn out.  It sounds good.  :)

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control

Just tell her that until she takes your dietary requirements seriously, you cannot visit.  Don't make it an empty threat either.  It's unlikely she would take your requests lightly, for long.  That should make it serious enough that she starts listening to you and not the digital equivalent of a diabetes magazine in the checkout stand. 

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Java

wholeheartedly ditto kits post

 

life's too damn short to waste time on "getting through to someone" who doesn't wanna be gotten through to

 

UGH

 

you do your thing and if her feelings are hurt, that's on HER, not you

 

 

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dowling gram

It seems to me that your mom is trying to make things for you to eat. Some women take great pleasure cooking for their children and she sounds like one of these women.Have you tried telling her that your doctor has given you specific instructions on what to eat and a lot of what other diabetics eat are not on your list. While this is not the entire truth it has a bit of truth to it.

 

You might print out recipes that you make at home to give her.

 

In my opinion sweeteners don't effect your BG. Some are worse than others. I would avoid any with Aspertame because it has bad side effects. Sweetener is what keeps me on track when others around me are eating dessert. I use Splenda. It is made from sugar and doesn't effect my BG at all

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JohnSchroeder

Invite them over to your house to eat, so she can see some examples of what you ARE eating.  It sounds to me like she is trying to be accommodating and making an effort for you... albeit maybe missing the bullseye.

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Kenton
4 minutes ago, dowling gram said:

It seems to me that your mom is trying to make things for you to eat. Some women take great pleasure cooking for their children and she sounds like one of these women.

 

This !!!! My Mom constantly tries to do that. Oh you can eat this, such and such tv host said it is good for diabetics. To which I give my reply of no Mom I can't. And we leave it at that. Thoughtful she did surprise us at Thanksgiving, we have it here now as it is too much for her. She made mashed cauliflower with garlic and butter and it was very good.  I go up there and she understands I like to know what is in the meal so I can figure how many units are needed.

But Mom is going to try to cook things she knows I and my brothers loved as kids. Like sweet potato pies, or fried corn , ever had fried corn? You plop a big pat of butter in the pan, throw in a large can of corn , add 4 or 5 spoonfuls of brown sugar and cook till its sticky. So no,  she knows I won't eat it.  It like most high sugar items causes false lows later and I do not like them. But if she wants to fix it for herself and anyone else that comes over that's fine. 

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ran23

Even back in my cholesterol days, I could not get my wife to hep me or recognize my needs. (oh, yes, I'm been married for a while, in my senior years.)

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adiantum

Kenton, it's been years since Ive had grouper & that wonderful memory is still with me.

I used to enjoy brussell sprouts rolled in bacon fat with thin strips of lemon peel & toasted pine nuts.

I'd cook bacon in that pan but being a pescetarian, the dogs ate the bacon.

 

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adiantum

Tee-hee..I've often heard that...

 

2 hours ago, ran23 said:

 I could not get my wife to hep me or recognize my needs.

 

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Fraser

Fortunately I have a very supportive family.  Always checking if a resturant is good, checking out recipies.  Love them for that........but on my parents 70 wedding aniversary I had a very, very slim peice of triple chocolate raspberry cake.  They looked at me as if to ask should they call the ambulance!,,,.  

I had to show them my BG reading to convince them I was ok.  Not complaining at all. 

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Kenton

Kit the meal was very good. I did the fish outside and used some of my orange tree wood and put some green branches from the Key lime on the fire.

I'm going to try adiantum's version of the spouts next time, they sound interesting. 

When they get to the point where there are to many to pick and eat instead of freezing them I'm going to try make kraut with some.

It's sounds interesting, not sure if it will be any good but it's worth a try.

 

Captain Diabetes, I have a better one for you as far as meals.

Try being out with other people and the meal being paid by the company and someone comments on your rather conservative food choices.

To which the person you are with who has had T1 since childhood says we are both diabetics. And the lady responds Oh I can see you could be ( He's a bit overweight ) but he is thin, he shouldn't have it.  I razzed him with that for awhile, lose weight and you'll  be cured.

I'm lucky as far as weight, might be diet, being active or genetics but I've always been thin.

Hated it when I was younger but now its fine.

 

 

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Gladtobehere

No dessert is NOT suffering.

 

I always take the food I need.  I don't have to eat it. But if there is nothing suitable I am good to go.

 

Being diabetic is difficult enough.  Don't try to manage someone else at the same time.   Lead by example (which you are already doing)   You provide the vegetables and wine 😉

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Kenton

Gladtobehere, we have an advantage over the T2's.

Eat some carbs figure up the carb count and take however many units needed.

A little later hmmm I'm high, figure up what's needed and adjust.

They go high and stay there for a long time.

Granted they will live  longer than us if the Zombie invasion or Yellowstone eruption were to happen but we do at least have the advantage of being able to bring our readings into a safe zone easily. Unless that is a Zombie decides they look tasty or a lava bomb lands on them.

I still avoid high carb items because for some reason I am very sensitive to the change that happens when my sugar goes high then starts dropping

so I get a lot of false lows.

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JohnSchroeder
56 minutes ago, Kenton said:

Granted they will live  longer than us if the Zombie invasion or Yellowstone eruption were to happen but we do at least have the advantage of being able to bring our readings into a safe zone easily. Unless that is a Zombie decides they look tasty or a lava bomb lands on them.

 

1

 

That's why I've started trying to keep as much insulin on hand as possible.  Preferably at least 6 months worth at any time.  Technology and the internet make it so stores can keep safety stock low, but it also makes us a very fragile society if anything breaks.  Grocery stores and pharmacies don't keep days worth of inventory in the back room anymore.

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Kenton

I do the same. My stored stock is inside the workshop fridge and I bring in the oldest month as needed.

I have a large generator for the house and also a smaller inverter style that can power fridges and the freezer.

And also have a trailer with a 6 CF  3 way fridge with 400 watts of solar on the roof so we could go for months if needed.

Andrew in Miami was hard on us, it was about 6 weeks before our neighborhood had power.

We moved to the west coast and Charley tore up stuff. Luckily only 13 days that time.

And Irma  this year dropped our power for 2 days and that was a minor strike.

Now that we are retired I can move out in advance and if it fails to hit us we had a nice trip.

I wonder if an Admin might want to shear from gladtobeher to here into a new thread?

 

 

 

 

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Hammer

Captain Diabetes, I had the same problem with my relatives, who, by the way, were all type 2 diabetics also, but served up whatever foods they liked.  I just simply didn't eat there.  By doing that for a while, the relatives all knew that they didn't need to offer me any food, because I wouldn't eat anything.  When they would ask me if I wanted something to eat, I'd just say, "No thanks....I'm good....I ate yesterday.":lol:

 

I will say that there are times when I am invited down to a friend's house for dinner, and his wife always asks me what foods I can eat, and I tell her to make whatever she would normally make for her and her husband, and I'll eat that.  As a type 2 who uses insulin, I can control my glucose levels fairly accurately, so when she serves things like mashed potatoes, corn, mac and cheese, etc., I'll take a very small portion, then use insulin to correct if my BG levels spike too high.(they usually don't since I had small portions and took insulin before I ate.)

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Kit

Oh, another thing that might help.

 

Instead of just telling her to make what she would normally, give her a dish/recipe that she can make for you which fits into your current diet like a veggie side dish or similar.  This way she can do something for you, which I suspect is what she really wants to do.  

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LaRue
On 12/19/2017 at 2:27 PM, Kit said:

 

If you are worried about hurting her feeling, think about how she is hurting your feelings by being unwilling to listen to you about your requirements.  

 

 

 

Once again kit I feel like we were separated at birth.

 

Frankly, I think it's a very passive aggressive thing for a person to do, to either say, or in any way indicate their feelings are hurt because, well, because you're not doing what they want you to do. 

 

This isn't about them, it's about you, and looking out for yourself.

 

 

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Kenton

Excellent post Kit. Mom's are going to be Moms.

They just want to take care of their young.

Even if we are in our 60's.

 

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Hammer
On 12/20/2017 at 10:00 PM, Kit said:

Oh, another thing that might help.

 

Instead of just telling her to make what she would normally, give her a dish/recipe that she can make for you which fits into your current diet like a veggie side dish or similar.  This way she can do something for you, which I suspect is what she really wants to do.  

Well, she does do that to some extent.  She knows that I like broccoli and tossed salad, so she always serves those, but I don't want her and her husband to be forced to eat what I eat.  They always have some meat, either pork, beef, fish, crab cakes, etc., but then they also have some foods that are not diabetic friendly, like corn or peas or mashed potatoes, so I eat more of the diabetic friendly foods, and less of the high carb foods.  I know that his wife tries to serve up diabetic friendly foods for me, but I don't want her and her husband to feel like they are eating a meal that isn't exactly a meal that they would normally eat.  Since I use insulin, I can easily compensate for any high carb foods that she serves, so I'd rather have them eat the foods they would normally eat, and I'll just take the appropriate amount of insulin.  By doing that, my BG levels don't spike too high, and they eat the foods that they would normally eat.

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