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CaseyM

My wife resents my diabetes

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CaseyM

Hi,

 

I was diagnosed with LADA in November of 2016. I have been on meal time insulin and Lantus once a day since January of 2017. All has gone well with my A1C levels, 5.0 last checkup, but recently my wife told me that she resents me because of the disease. I had not realized how much this had effected her life because I was wrapped up in my own struggle. I love my wife and want to make this work. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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JohnSchroeder

Sorry to hear that Casey.  I think you need to better understand just what it is your wife resents and why.  Maybe you do and did not want to share here, that's fine.  Is she frustrated by dietary restrictions being transferred onto her?  Afraid kids will be diabetic?  Does she love you and is afraid of future possible complications? Feels bad eating carbs around you for fear of a bad influence?  Maybe she is burned out by diabetes herself and tired of hearing about it.  So many possible situations, each with different challenges and solutions.

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OneEye

Well, so much for "for better or worse". I'd say wait until she goes into menopause for a little payback...but that would be too snarky on my part. Anyway...

 

Speaking from trying marriage 3 times...sometimes we tend to share too much. Here's a suggestion: Pretend like your diabetes is an affair you want to keep secret. She thinks you're having a go-round with diabetes...she just can't prove it. No injecting while she's around. No "pointing out" no potatoes for you, you're a diabetic, make something else. No, "turn the car around...go back to the house...I forgot my Novolog". No sharing..."Hey, guess what! I just got my A1C back...I'm down to 5.0! WooHoo!" In other words...what she doesn't know shouldn't agitate her.

 

If that doesn't work...you can always log onto New-Wives-R-Us dot com! ;)

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Fraser

Well I am a gay male,

my long time partner was diagnosed with Aids  1993

was it easy , no , was it worth it , To me it was , he died in the comfort of our home home. 

Unfortunately my son died a year later in an accident. 

No guarantees in life,  

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princesslinda

I think it is hard on our spouses when we are diagnosed with any chronic condition, esp. one that tends to affect our moods, diet and overall well-being like diabetes.  "Resent" is a little harsh though.   I know my husband is concerned about me, but I'm the diabetic, not him.  I don't require him to make any modifications to his diet, I just work our meals to work for the taste/needs of the 2 of us.  If we go out, he gets what he wants, including bread on the table. When first diagnosed, this bothered me as it was quite tempting, but I really didn't feel it fair of me to make him suffer because I couldn't have it.

 

He was diagnosed with cancer last year, and we've had to adapt once again to a life-changing illness. Do I resent him for getting cancer?  Absolutely not.  I'm just glad he's here sharing life with me.

 

Perhaps you can talk with your wife and see what specifically makes her resent you.  If it's simply because you have diabetes, then she'll just have to adapt.  If it's taking time away from the 2 of you, perhaps you guys can compromise on a few things for the greater good.

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Dave_KC

As one who is married and has a wife who isn't diabetic, it isn't easy on her, and that's certainly the case with your wife, but keep in mind, she's likely venting her own frustration.  You may very well hear today about how irritated and frustrated you are, and then the next you'll be hearing complete support.  It tends to be the way ladies hear, but also we interpret anger and frustration, and they may simply be venting and then be over and all will be back to normal.  

 

The response from you might be as simple as "I'm sure it's hard on your to go through this with me, but I still love and appreciate your and your support of me through this tough process, and I'm doing my best to be here for you."  Something like that might go a long way with her. 

 

I know my wife struggles at times with my diet, and yet her side is littered with diabetics, so there's a very good chance she'll get it some day too.  

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meyery2k

Casey - I apologize that I am late to this thread.  I wasn't at all sure how to reply to this.  I would feel horrible if I were in this situation.  Do you know what, specifically, is resented?

 

I can appreciate the simple answer is that your wife needs to accept that you have diabetes but, having been married, I know that is not the real answer since this is a burden that both must share.

 

Diabetes is insidious because it is there every minute of the day.  When you wake up you have to test, you have to watch what you eat, you have to use insulin correctly, every waking minute it sometime seems like diabetes is sucking it dry.

 

I am not sure if this will help or not but I know when I was first diagnosed, diabetes was something that I probably talked too much about with friends and family.  I was really worried about it and wanted to share that.  People that don't have it won't understand and don't want to.  I get this.  Before I was diagnosed I could care less about someone's diabetes.  Perhaps you might make some friends here and can discuss your cares here and remove some of that burden from the relationship.  I have made many good friends here and, in fact, this site helped me rediscover a passion I had for cycling so I talk about nearly everything under the sun here EXCEPT diabetes lol...

 

In all seriousness, coming here let's me unload and I don't talk about diabetes with friends and family unless there is a reason to.  I have found this to be much better for all of us.

 

Please look around the site and find all the interesting threads about diet, cooking, culture, and just random wackiness that makes life fun. ~ Mike

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Kit

First off, congrats on the A1C.  It sounds like you are doing well.

 

Being diagnosed is difficult not only for diabetics but for our families as well.  There are a lot of disruptions, changes to normal schedules, fears, anxiety, and similar.

 

On the plus side, it gets easier.  New routines become norm, anxiety goes down as everyone gets more confident, its easier to know what to do, less questions, uncertainty, etc.

 

As others have said, its difficult to say more without knowing exactly what it is about your wife's resentment.  Does she resent the disruption?  The change in life style?  Your concentration and attention?  Just about all of the causes can be addressed in one way or another.  If you can talk to her seriously about it, I recommend doing so.  Dig a little deeper to see if you both can identify what exactly it is she resents.  if necessary, a councilor might be a good idea, someone who can help you both with the process without being emotionally tied to the situation.

 

I wish you the best and hope you both can find a resolution.

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