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Angeliqe1

Hi im new. My husband has type2 diabetes and has for some time. He suffers from ED as well. Pills not working for ED. He does nothing to help his diabetes. Does not take meds does watch sugars but likes to consume wine and vodka on a regular basis. He states vodka has no sugar so downing a bottle is no big deal. He is moody,snappy and not alot of fun to be around. I feel the drinking is making the ED worse along with the diabetes. He sees no problem. His sugars are about 300. His urine output was high which can detect early kidney disease. He vomits at least 2x a week. Im at wits end. Feel so lonely and afraid to even talk for fear he will snap and be moody. Any advice?

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OneEye

How I hate giving "advice"...especially marital. Anyway...

 

Yes, the drinking and his diabetes contribute to the ED. From your description..."He is moody, snappy and not a lot of fun to be around." I'm guessing that sex isn't at the top of your to-do list.  Being married 4 times, myself, and finally coming to the conclusion it wasn't them...it was me, gives me a bit of an insight into this.

 

We're basically two people. There's the potential healthy us...and then there's the daily I'll-Do-What-I-Want us. From what you say...you're dealing with the latter. Advice? What we all hate in a marriage...confrontation. The ED is "his" problem...not yours. Well kinda yours...but not. Depends on your sexual "needs". If sex is what keeps him happy...he's kinda SOL until he decides to address this as an adult.

 

As his partner all you can do is inform him of what you've found concerning this. Knowledge is power. If he decides your information and suggestions are non sequitur...then maybe it's time to look into dissolution. It's your life. YOUR LIFE!

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meyery2k

@angeliqe1 - Welcome!  It is difficult to know what to do when someone they care for will not take care of themselves.  I have been on both sides.  Unfortunately, other than providing as much support as you are able, there is not much you can do until your husband decides to take care of himself.

 

It is obvious that you care, otherwise you would not bother taking the time to post.

 

300 is much too high as I am sure you know

 

Many of us here have found diet and exercise to be crucial to control.  If you prepare the meals, you might have some luck with the low carb recipes you can find here.  That could be a first step.  There might be ways to get him to move around.  Perhaps activities outside the house.

 

Don't forget to take care of yourself as well.  You might find it helpful to pursue interests and activities outside the home.  When I was trying to help my Mom, they helped me greatly.

 

You will get a lot of support, sympathy, and empathy here.  Many of us have been where you are.  

 

If you have any questions, ask them :) ~ Mike

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don1942

Hey Angelique!

 

Welcome to the Forum.

 

Unfortunately elevated and uncontrolled blood sugar cause several forms of neuropathy, that effects a man’s sexual response. Peripheral neuropathy reduces sensitivity of nerve endings in the penis. Autonomic neuropathy effects involuntary responses, including the sexual response to stimuli.

 

Bringing sugar levels under control can reverse the above conditions if done prior to perminant damage. However, to do this, your husband needs to want to take action, including seeing a doctor and taking appropriate meds such as Metformin and or insulin, among others.

 

Though pure Vodka does not contain any carbohydrates, Alcohol does effect the liver. Which can retain glucose until the alcohol is process and then release the stored glucose at unhealthy levels.

 

Your priority now is to get him to see a doctor who can provide a recommended course of action. There are also ED meds that the doc can prescribe.

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adiantum

Hi Angelique, I am so sorry for you & what your going through.

The wine & Vodka would be no issue but thats only if it was one shot a day.. he is drinking enough to destroy his liver.

The high blood readings will also contribute to his filthy moods.

Can you prepare meals without bread, rice, potatoes, pasta etc ,or would this send him into a rage.

 

 

Try & take time out for you so he doesnt bring you down with him.

 

 

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meyery2k

This is why I hate diabetes.  I remember how I felt mentally before I got things under control.  Aggressive, irritable, apathetic.  High glucose messes with you mentally.  I had forgotten what "normal" felt like.  People I have not seen in years comment upon how much younger I look and act.  Such an insidious affliction.

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Kit

Hi Angelique, welcome to the group.

 

First off, dry white and red wines and hard alcohol like vodka don't have much in the way of sugar or carbs in them and I have found don't have much of an affect on my BG levels except maybe lowering them a little.  But I'm talking maybe one or two small glasses of wine on an evening once in a while or maybe a small mixed drink every so often.  I don't know what hard drinking on a daily basis might or might not do.  That said, I get the impression from your post that he is drinking way more than that and more often.  I would be concerned as well.  Is he showing signs of alcoholism?

 

As for the rest, sadly you can't make a grown adult do anything, including taking care of themselves.  All you can do now is make sure you are taking care of yourself and not letting your husband drag you down with him.  Make sure you have support of other family, friends, social groups, or whatever else works for you.

 

Many of us here follow a low carb/high fat diet.  Its pretty much the exact opposite of what doctors recommend and works extremely well.  The benefit of this is that you can eat meats, butter, cheeses, and similar pretty well.  What we limit are sugars and starches like grains such as whole wheat, rice, oats, barley, corn, etc.  Yep, whole wheat bread spikes me like crazy.  Also limited are root vegetables such as potatoes, yams, beets, and similar.  I do eat things like onion, radish, and carrots, but I limit them to smaller amounts.  And sugars of course such as cane sugar, beet sugar, honey, agave, and all the rest.

 

Check out our recipe section.  There are a lot of great ideas there and you might find something he would be willing to try.  This way of eating is easier to stay with than the typical diet recommended by the medical establishment.

 

Now for his symptoms.  Yes, 300 is way too high.  High BG levels play havoc on us.  It screws with our health of course.  It also does with our moods and temperaments.  The single most common item mentioned by spouses coming here asking for advice or support is that of unstable moods, mood swings, anger, and similar.  If he can get his numbers down to more normal levels, those symptoms should start easing off.

 

 High BG levels also affects our arteries and vessels.  It damages them and that causes build up and circulation problems.  In order for a man to get an erection, he needs sufficient blood flow.  Getting his numbers down might also help there.

 

I do wish you luck.  I know this is a hard situation to deal with.  The best advice I can really give you is to try to take care of yourself.  You can give him support, but he has to be ready to receive it and that doesn't sound like the case here.

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Angeliqe1

Thank you everyone for listening. Its a hard road but your right going to take care of me and me only. The outbursts and mood swings are getting to much to bear. He said his doc told him if he gets under 200 then he wont need the meds. He has lost 25 and has less then 20 to make it under 200. He wont take meds so thats his choice. The drinking is and will always be a issue with him and he refuses help there as well. Thank you all for being there and listening but yea its his choice. He can choose to be healthy or not. 

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adiantum

@Angeliqe1  We are always here to listen & help you too .

 

Would it help any to have brochures on the table from funeral companies or nursing homes & ask him if he preferred any or can he afford them?

It would be ideal if he would go for a walk & even better still would be to join us here.

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meyery2k

@Angeliqe1 - You are always welcome to ask for help.  We will help as best as we are able.  As long as your husband is alive, there is a chance he will change his mind.

 

I was out of control and weighed over 300 pounds.  Pretty much sending myself to the grave with a knife and fork.  Diabetes, oddly enough, woke me up and I finally got a hold of myself.  I wouldn't be where I was today without my friends here.

 

It can be done.

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Angeliqe1

Thanks everyone. Taking it day by day with my future decisions. Yes he has lost weight. The drinking of no sugar alcohol has not stopped. 3 glasses of vodka with diet juices a night. Thinks skipping meals will help him lose more weight. It will only make it worse in my opinion. Plus eventually his liver wont digest the alcohol and will turn to sugar. But his choice. Need to take care of me. His moodiness is still there evem though he has cut back on sugar alot. I think he needs the meds they made him so much more tolerable. But cant force it. He has been off them 3 weeks bc he likes to drink he said. Just praying and keeping faith. I dont want him to die of this or lose a limb 

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Dave_KC
On 10/10/2018 at 6:29 PM, Angeliqe1 said:

 I don't want him to die of this or lose a limb 

 

This is a tough one for the spousal perspective.  Some take it very seriously, some never will.  

 

I've got several co-workers who are diabetic, and honestly, I'm floored at some of the things they consume as a diabetic.  I used to mention things and about got my head chewed off, so I have generally stopped saying anything.  

 

That said, would your husband consider poking around here?  There's a number of Facebook groups that address these things as well.  

 

I definitely agree with the others, that you must take care of you, and as you can, help him.  Nagging him likely won't work, but he's got to determine that there's more to life for that alcoholic beverages and eating anything he wants.  Until he decides that, he won't change.  

 

I wish you the best. 

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