Jump to content
Diabetes forums
  • Welcome To Diabetes Forums!

    Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today to contribute and support the site.

Sign in to follow this  
halia

Looking for an advice

Recommended Posts

halia

Do you agree that singles that living in isolation are more vulnerable to depression and anxiety especially since Christmas is coming? I have a friend who is living alone, and she's always been the silent type whenever we(her friends) were around. I figure if there's anything I can do for here this Christmas, what would it be? Any thoughts would be really appreciated.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dowling

If you live alone you are more used to being isolated and you've probably gone through a holiday or Christmas alone before so I don't think missing a Christmas is any more depressing than an ordinary day. I think it hits older people harder than younger folks. I remember when I was young. I worked in a restaurant. There were 2 elderly men who used to come in for coffee every morning. They lived in the rooming house across the street. They never bought anything else--I supposed they couldn't afford it. They were friendly and always asked how we were before they ordered. If we weren't busy I'd chat with them for a while. That Christmas for some reason I did a lot of baking. Some to take home and other baking to give as gifts. I did way too much so I packed up a bunch of my goodies into 2 large containers and on my last day at work I delivered them to those 2 men. It almost brought tears to their eyes they were so touched. To me that was the best Christmas present I got that year

 

If you want to do something nice for your friend you could make up a food plate and deliver it to her.  Include some treats. Maybe with a Classic Christmas move if she has a DVD player. Or you could put on your thinking cap and find a way to make her feel special. It doesn't have to cost much. Caring does not come from a checkbook but from the heart.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hammer

I have to agree with Dowling.  I live alone, as I've been divorced for more than 30 years now, and I enjoy being alone.  Of course, I'm not like most people in that I don't get depressed about anything.  If I could just stay in my house and never go out again, I would be happy.  I do enjoy visiting my daughter and her family, but being alone at home is what I like the most.  I am not a hermit, and I do enjoy going out and chatting with people at the food store, or in Home Depot, or where ever, but being alone is comforting to me.  While I do have friends, and I enjoy spending time with them, I am happier when I am alone.  To go one step further, my hope is that I die alone.  I don't want anyone around me when I die, I just want to be left alone to die with no one around me.  I know that might sound morbid to a lot of people, but that would make me happy.  Like I said, I'm not like most people, so I doubt that most people would want the things that I want.

 

Halia, it's great that you are thinking of your friend, but maybe you should just ask her what she would like.  She may not want company for the holidays, she may just want to stay home and be by herself.  Then again, she may enjoy having company, but you won't know unless you ask her.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
halia
On 12/14/2020 at 11:07 PM, Dowling said:

If you live alone you are more used to being isolated and you've probably gone through a holiday or Christmas alone before so I don't think missing a Christmas is any more depressing than an ordinary day. I think it hits older people harder than younger folks. I remember when I was young. I worked in a restaurant. There were 2 elderly men who used to come in for coffee every morning. They lived in the rooming house across the street. They never bought anything else--I supposed they couldn't afford it. They were friendly and always asked how we were before they ordered. If we weren't busy I'd chat with them for a while. That Christmas for some reason I did a lot of baking. Some to take home and other baking to give as gifts. I did way too much so I packed up a bunch of my goodies into 2 large containers and on my last day at work I delivered them to those 2 men. It almost brought tears to their eyes they were so touched. To me that was the best Christmas present I got that year

 

If you want to do something nice for your friend you could make up a food plate and deliver it to her.  Include some treats. Maybe with a Classic Christmas move if she has a DVD player. Or you could put on your thinking cap and find a way to make her feel special. It doesn't have to cost much. Caring does not come from a checkbook but from the heart.

You've made me cry Dowling, now it's your fault! Bless you and your family. We've always asked her to join with me and my family during Christmas eve since 2017 but like @Hammer have thought, she just says her thanks and that she's okay celebrating it with another of our friend who also lives alone(but that one was a heck of a laugh and bully, just kidding). 

 

I've figured, I'll just surprise her with a gift, she's not really a material person or maybe she just doesn't show it. Still looking for the best gift for her. I really want to surprise her. Merry Christmas to both of you!

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Eurotoff
On 12/17/2020 at 6:28 PM, halia said:

You've made me cry Dowling, now it's your fault! Bless you and your family. We've always asked her to join with me and my family during Christmas eve since 2017 but like @Hammer have thought, she just says her thanks and that she's okay celebrating it with another of our friend who also lives alone(but that one was a heck of a laugh and bully, just kidding). 

 

I've figured, I'll just surprise her with a gift, she's not really a material person or maybe she just doesn't show it. Still looking for the best gift for her. I really want to surprise her. Merry Christmas to both of you!

 

 

 

 

Don't cry. Tell him that there are more days to come and you will be able to find your loved ones.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
halia

According to this article,https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7576375/  young adults are more susceptible to increase loneliness during this pandemic and that can lead to other mental health problems. Do you have a family member or friend who you think is dealing with this feeling? 

 

I wanted to ask my friend how she feels and why is she like that towards us seriously but as you guys advised and what I think, it's overstepping of me to ask that much. Maybe I'm just too worried, I don't know.

Edited by halia

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
bespawlerbison
On 12/14/2020 at 7:44 PM, halia said:

Do you agree that singles that living in isolation are more vulnerable to depression and anxiety especially since Christmas is coming? I have a friend who is living alone, and she's always been the silent type whenever we(her friends) were around. I figure if there's anything I can do for here this Christmas, what would it be? Any thoughts would be really appreciated.

 

The need for social interaction is a continuum, with little need for some to a very high need for others. Obviously, people who were more socially engaged before the pandemic will miss this more now. Some of the things you could do are to give her a call maybe once a week, invite her for a social distance walk, and organize 5 o'clock zoom time with your friends once a week, where people can sign in and chat for a while if available. Friends reported that they stay in touch more with the extended family and far-away friends these days due to online time-together sessions.
It is remarkable how adaptable humans are, so let's make the best of this situation while doing our part to mitigate the pandemic. This too shall pass.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
adiantum
On 12/23/2020 at 7:52 PM, halia said:

I wanted to ask my friend how she feels and why is she like that towards us seriously but as you guys advised and what I think, it's overstepping of me to ask that much. Maybe I'm just too worried, I don't know.

 

 

yeah.. dont overstep your concerns.

 

Ive  cut ties with people in two instances when they intruded on my space assuming  they knew better.

I have lived alone for forty years because I love it & would hate to live like couples.

As a child & then teenager  I was happy by myself just  exploring nature.

 

As a student I'd go out with others Friday nights & occasional saturdays but I didnt need their company.

Many of us are still close friends with  making regular contact thru email or phone but not face to face.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
halia

Thank you for the wonderful advice everyone. I'm glad I reached out here first before attempting any move that might have resulted in a misunderstanding between me and my friend. Happy New Year!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
bespawlerbison

You're welcome @halia ! How is she doing now? Is she going to celebrate the New Year with her friends? :)

Edited by bespawlerbison

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
halia

She didn't, so me and a couple of our friends decided to make our own celebration the next morning instead. A couple bottle of sauvignon plus the leftovers for last night's celebration(haha) and it went all well. We asked her to come and I can tell, that she had fun that day too. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2coolChess

@halia, There are ample studies supporting social isolation is unhealthy. There is a longitudinal study conducting at Harvard for over 80 years that looked into all factors contributing to health and they have concluded without any doubt, social connections are vital to our health. We are fundamentally social creatures. Here is an excellent talk that goes over that study and you might find interesting.

 

 

It is great you are concerned regarding your friends' health but I would tread lightly on this. many people experience social anxiety and introverts can find social engagement de-energizing unless it is on their own terms. Few people like to be told what to do unprompted. And, as you point out, holidays are particularly stressful. It's been even harder lately given the limitations of social engagement during this pandemic. I have some friends in similar situations. I generally try to connect with them in whatever way they feel open. It isn't your job to "fix" them or shame them through pressure. Best regards.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dowling

Just because you keep a social distance doesn't mean you have to be socially isolated especially in this day and age. There is the phone and internet and any number of video call options. I live alone but I don't consider myself socially isolated. You don't have to be in the same room to connect with people. It's all in the mind. I choose to look on the on the bright side of things and go with the flow.

 

I know there are people who have mental issues and I'm not putting them down. I hope they can get the help they need but for those of us that can the best way to get through this pandemic is to make up your mind that it is not going to get you down. Happiness or unhappiness depends on the person. If you make up your mind to be happy you will be.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.